The reader will observe here a strange confession, which has seldom, if ever, been noticed. The letter, from which the above is taken, was written October 23, 1738, five months after Wesley’s conversion; and yet he here distinctly states that, as yet, he was not possessed of the witness of the Spirit; but was waiting for it. This is contrary to the commonly received notion, and yet it is in perfect accordance with a remarkable entry in his journal, under the date of October 14. He there most carefully examines his religious state by comparing it with the text, “If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” In many respects, he judged himself a new creature; but, in others, he feared that he was not. Earthly desires often arose within him, though he was enabled to put them under his feet through Christ strengthening him. To some extent, he possessed longsuffering, gentleness, meekness, and temperance; but he had to complain of his want of love, peace, and joy. He writes:— “I cannot find in myself the love of God, or of Christ. Hence my deadness and wanderings in public prayer: hence it is that, even in the holy communion, I have frequently no more than a cold attention. Again, I have not that joy in the Holy Ghost; no settled, lasting joy. Nor have I such a peace as excludes the possibility either of fear or doubt. When holy men have told me I had no faith, I have often doubted whether I had or no. And these doubts have made me very uneasy, till I was relieved by prayer and the holy Scriptures. Yet, upon the whole, although I have not yet that joy in the Holy Ghost, nor the full assurance of faith,—much less am I, in the full sense of the words, ‘in Christ a new creature,’—I nevertheless trust that I have a measure of faith, and am ‘accepted in the Beloved;’ I trust ‘the handwriting that was against me is blotted out,’ and that I am ‘reconciled to God’ through His Son.” There is another entry, similar to this, under the date of December 16; and again, on January 4, 1739, he uses even stronger language:—