The Life of Charlotte Brontë — Volume 2Gaskell, Elizabeth Cleghorn
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The Life of Charlotte Brontë — Volume 2
Gaskell, Elizabeth Cleghorn
Brontë, Charlotte, 1816-1855; Novelists, English -- 19th century -- Biography
"However, I will not bear malice against you for it; I know what your
nature is: it is not a bad or unkind one, though you would often jar
terribly on some feelings with whose recoil and quiver you could not
possibly sympathise. I imagine you are both enthusiastic and implacable,
as you are at once sagacious and careless; you know much and discover
much, but you are in such a hurry to tell it all you never give yourself
time to think how your reckless eloquence may affect others; and, what
is more, if you knew how it did affect them, you would not much care.
"However, I shake hands with you: you have excellent points; you can be
generous. I still feel angry, and think I do well to be angry; but it is
the anger one experiences for rough play rather than for foul play.--I
am yours, with a certain respect, and more chagrin,
CURRER BELL."
As Mr. Lewes says, "the tone of this letter is cavalier." But I thank
him for having allowed me to publish what is so characteristic of
one phase of Miss Brontë's mind. Her health, too, was suffering at
this time. "I don't know what heaviness of spirit has beset me of
late" (she writes, in pathetic words, wrung out of the sadness of her
heart), "made my faculties dull, made rest weariness, and occupation
burdensome. Now and then, the silence of the house, the solitude of the
room, has pressed on me with a weight I found it difficult to bear, and
recollection has not failed to be as alert, poignant, obtrusive, as
other feelings were languid. I attribute this state of things partly
to the weather. Quicksilver invariably falls low in storms and high
winds, and I have ere this been warned of approaching disturbance in
the atmosphere by a sense of bodily weakness, and deep, heavy mental
sadness, such as some would call PRESENTIMENT,--presentiment indeed it
is, but not at all super-natural. . . . I cannot help feeling something
of the excitement of expectation till the post hour comes, and when, day
after day, it brings nothing, I get low. This is a stupid, disgraceful,
unmeaning state of things. I feel bitterly vexed at my own dependence
and folly; but it is so bad for the mind to be quite alone, and to have
none with whom to talk over little crosses and disappointments, and to
laugh them away. If I could write, I dare say I should be better, but
I cannot write a line. However (by God's help), I will contend against
this folly.
"I had rather a foolish letter the other day from ----. Some things in
it nettled me, especially an unnecessarily earnest assurance that, in
spite of all I had done in the writing line, I still retained a place in
her esteem. My answer took strong and high ground at once. I said I had
been troubled by no doubts on the subject; that I neither did her nor
myself the injustice to suppose there was anything in what I had written
to incur the just forfeiture of esteem. . . .
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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