“God grant that my German trip may bring in something! The Montmartre house is not let and I may have to pay rent there a year longer.” * * * * * What more can I say of the two great passions that influenced my life? One was a childhood’s memory--yet not to be despised since, with my love for Estelle, awoke my love of nature. The other--coming in my manhood with my worship of Shakespeare--took possession of me and overwhelmed me completely. Love of Art and the artist intermingled, each acting upon and intensifying the other. Those who cannot understand this will still less understand my vague poetic longings at the scent of a lovely rose, the sight of a beautiful harp. Estelle was the rose that bloomed alone, Henriette the harp that shared my music, my joys, my sorrows and of which alas! I snapped so many, many strings! _To_ LOUIS BERLIOZ. “_October 1854._--I am sad this morning, dear Louis. I dreamt that we were walking--you and I--in the garden at La Côte, and not knowing exactly where you are, my dream troubles me. “I have some news that will not, I think, surprise you. Two months ago I married again. “I could not live alone, neither could I desert the woman who, for fourteen years, has been my companion. “My uncle and all my friends agree with me. “I need not tell you that your interests are safe. If I die first my wife will have but a quarter of my small fortune and even that I know she intends to leave to you. “If you still have any painful thoughts of Mademoiselle Recio I know you will hide them for my sake. “We were married very quietly without fuss or mystery. If you mention this in your letters, write nothing that I cannot show to my wife; I must have no cloud in my home. But your own heart will tell you what to do. “Admiral Cécile tells me he has received your letter. You cannot enter the Marines until the end of your three years’ cruise. “I am overwhelmed with rehearsals and arrangements for producing my new work, the _Childhood of Christ_. It bristles with difficulties. “Good-bye, dear Louis.” XXXIII DEAD SEA FRUIT The end of my career is in sight, or if not the end, yet are my feet set on the steep slope leading to the goal; worn and tired, I am consumed by a burning fire that sometimes rages with such violence as to frighten me.