This is not the speech of filial love and obedience, but neither is it the language of a naughty child. There ought to be no doubt but that such exhibitions of independence and resentment, coupled with intimations of still greater independence of conduct, frequently filled Beethoven with consternation and apprehension. Once, to judge of a recorded remark by Holz, Karl seems to have raised his hand in physical violence against the uncle. Holz says: “I came in just as he took you by the breast. At the door, as he was coming out.” It is the only allusion to the incident in the book and we know none of the particulars; but it and other scenes of tumult and the utterances which they provoked must have inspired the dreadful conflict of emotions which finds expression in a letter written at this time: If for no other reason than that you obeyed me, at least, all is forgiven and forgotten; more to-day by word of mouth, very quietly--Do not think of me otherwise than as governed wholly by thoughts for your well-being, and from this point of view judge my acts. Do not take a step which might make you unhappy and shorten _my_ life. I did not get asleep until 3 o’clock, for I coughed all night long. I embrace you cordially and am convinced that you will soon cease longer to _misjudge_ me; it is thus that I also judge of your conduct yesterday. I expect you surely to-day at 1 o’clock. Do not give me cause for further worry and apprehension. Meanwhile farewell! Your real and true Father. We shall be alone, for which reason I shall not permit H. to come--the less since I do not wish anything about yesterday to be known. Do come--Do not permit _my poor heart to bleed longer_. [Sidenote: BEETHOVEN GROWS APPREHENSIVE] A poor heart, indeed! One that knew not how to win the love for which it hungered; and a mind “perplex’d in the extreme.” That love still went out to the unworthy mother in spite of entreaties, warnings, lamentations, threats. In May, 1826, already at Baden, Beethoven hears that Karl has again visited her; and on the 22nd he writes: Till now only suspicions, although I have received assurances from one that there is again secret intercourse between you and your mother. Am I again to experience the most abominable ingratitude?! No; if the bond is broken, be it so. You will make yourself hated by all impartial persons who hear of this ingratitude.... I ought not to mix into these miserable affairs. If the pact oppresses you then in God’s name--I leave you to Divine Providence. I have done my duty and am ready to appear before the Supreme Judge. Do not fear to come to me to-morrow. As yet I only suspect--God grant that _nothing_ be true, for your misfortune would truly be incalculable indifferently as the rascally brother and possibly your--mother would take it.