The Life of Tolstoy: First Fifty Years: Fifth EditionMaude, Aylmer
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The Life of Tolstoy: First Fifty Years: Fifth Edition
Maude, Aylmer
Tolstoy, Leo, graf, 1828-1910
After an indefinite number of years, neither young nor old, I
am at Yásnaya; my affairs are in order, I have no anxieties
or worries. You also live at Yásnaya. You have aged a little,
but you are still fresh and in good health. We lead the life
we used to lead. I work in the morning, but we see one another
almost all day. We have dinner. In the evening I read aloud
something which does not weary you, and then we talk. I tell
you of my life in the Caucasus, you tell me your recollections
of my father and my mother; and you tell me the 'terrible
tales' we used to listen to with frightened eyes and open
mouths. We remind each other of those who were dear to us and
who are now no more; you will weep, I shall do the same, but
those tears will be sweet; we shall talk about my brothers,
who will come to see us from time to time; of dear Marie,
who with all her children will also spend some months of the
year at Yásnaya, which she loves so much. We shall have no
acquaintances--no one will come to weary us and carry tales.
It is a beautiful dream, but it is not all that I let myself
dream.--I am married. My wife is a gentle creature, kind and
affectionate; she has the same love for you as I have. We have
children who call you Grandmamma; you live upstairs in the big
house, in what used to be Grandmamma's room. The whole house
is as it was in Papa's time, and we recommence the same life,
only changing our rôles. You take the rôle of Grandmamma, but
you are still better; I take Papa's place, though I despair
of ever deserving it; my wife, that of Mamma; the children
take ours; Marie, that of the two aunts (excepting their
misfortunes) ... but some one will be lacking to take the part
you played in our family--never will any one be found with a
soul so beautiful, so loving, as yours. You have no successor.
There will be three new characters who will appear from
time to time on the scene--the brothers, especially the one
who will often be with us, Nicholas: an old bachelor, bald,
retired from service, as good and noble as ever.
I imagine how he will, as of old, tell the children fairy
tales of his own invention, and how they will kiss his greasy
hands (but which are worthy of it), how he will play with
them, how my wife will bustle about to get him his favourite
dishes, how he and I will recall our common memories of days
long past, how you will sit in your accustomed place and
listen to us with pleasure; how, as of yore, you will call us,
old men, 'Lyóvotchka' and 'Nikólenka,' and will scold me for
eating with my fingers, and him for not having clean hands.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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