New Mexico -- Fiction; Western stories; Women pioneers -- Fiction
“You don’t know I love you, do you?” he continued, passionately. “That
ever since you stood before me in that hole at Chiricahua I’ve loved
you? You can’t see I’ve been another man, loving you, working for you,
living for you? You won’t believe I’ve turned my back on the old wild
life, that I’ve been decent and honorable and happy and useful—your
kind of a cowboy? You couldn’t tell, though I loved you, that I never
wanted you to know it, that I never dared to think of you except as my
angel, my holy Virgin? What do you know of a man’s heart and soul? How
could you tell of the love, the salvation of a man who’s lived his
life in the silence and loneliness? Who could teach you the actual
truth—that a wild cowboy, faithless to mother and sister, except in
memory, riding a hard, drunken trail straight to hell; had looked into
the face, the eyes of a beautiful woman infinitely beyond him, above
him, and had so loved her that he was saved—that he became faithful
again—that he saw her face in every flower and her eyes in the blue
heaven? Who could tell you, when at night I stood alone under these
Western stars, how deep in my soul I was glad just to be alive, to be
able to do something for you, to be near you, to stand between you and
worry, trouble, danger, to feel somehow that I was a part, just a little
part of the West you had come to love?”
Madeline was mute. She heard her heart thundering in her ears.
Stewart leaped at her. His powerful hand closed on her arm. She
trembled. His action presaged the old instinctive violence.
“No; but you think I kept Bonita up in the mountains, that I went
secretly to meet her, that all the while I served you I was—Oh, I know
what you think! I know now. I never knew till I made you look at me.
Now, say it! Speak!”
White-hot, blinded, utterly in the fiery grasp of passion, powerless to
stem the rush of a word both shameful and revealing and fatal, Madeline
cried:
“YES!”
He had wrenched that word from her, but he was not subtle enough, not
versed in the mystery of woman’s motive enough, to divine the deep
significance of her reply.
For him the word had only literal meaning confirming the dishonor in
which she held him. Dropping her arm, he shrank back, a strange action
for the savage and crude man she judged him to be.
“But that day at Chiricahua you spoke of faith,” he burst out. “You said
the greatest thing in the world was faith in human nature. You said the
finest men had been those who had fallen low and had risen. You said you
had faith in me! You made me have faith in myself!”
His reproach, without bitterness or scorn, was a lash to her old
egoistic belief in her fairness. She had preached a beautiful principle
that she had failed to live up to. She understood his rebuke, she
wondered and wavered, but the affront to her pride had been too great,
the tumult within her breast had been too startlingly fierce; she could
not speak, the moment passed, and with it his brief, rugged splendor of
simplicity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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