New Mexico -- Fiction; Western stories; Women pioneers -- Fiction
Madeline fled as if pursued. With trembling hands she locked the doors,
drew the blinds of the windows that opened on the porch, pushed chairs
aside so that she could pace the length of her room. She was now alone,
and she walked with soft, hurried, uneven steps. She could be herself
here; she needed no mask; the long habit of serenely hiding the truth
from the world and from herself could be broken. The seclusion of her
darkened chamber made possible that betrayal of herself to which she was
impelled.
She paused in her swift pacing to and fro. She liberated the thought
that knocked at the gates of her mind. With quivering lips she whispered
it. Then she spoke aloud:
“I will say it—hear it. I—I love him!”
“I love him!” she repeated the astounding truth, but she doubted her
identity.
“Am I still Madeline Hammond? What has happened? Who am I?” She stood
where the light from one unclosed window fell upon her image in the
mirror. “Who is this woman?”
She expected to see a familiar, dignified person, a quiet, unruffled
figure, a tranquil face with dark, proud eyes and calm, proud lips. No,
she did not see Madeline Hammond. She did not see any one she knew. Were
her eyes, like her heart, playing her false? The figure before her
was instinct with pulsating life. The hands she saw, clasped together,
pressed deep into a swelling bosom that heaved with each panting breath.
The face she saw—white, rapt, strangely glowing, with parted, quivering
lips, with great, staring, tragic eyes—this could not be Madeline
Hammond’s face.
Yet as she looked she knew no fancy could really deceive her, that she
was only Madeline Hammond come at last to the end of brooding dreams.
She swiftly realized the change in her, divined its cause and meaning,
accepted it as inevitable, and straightway fell back again into the mood
of bewildering amaze.
Calmness was unattainable. The surprise absorbed her. She could not go
back to count the innumerable, imperceptible steps of her undoing. Her
old power of reflecting, analyzing, even thinking at all, seemed to have
vanished in a pulse-stirring sense of one new emotion. She only felt
all her instinctive outward action that was a physical relief, all her
involuntary inner strife that was maddening, yet unutterably sweet; and
they seemed to be just one bewildering effect of surprise.
In a nature like hers, where strength of feeling had long been inhibited
as a matter of training, such a transforming surprise as sudden
consciousness of passionate love required time for its awakening, time
for its sway.
By and by that last enlightening moment came, and Madeline Hammond faced
not only the love in her heart, but the thought of the man she loved.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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