Everything would go on as before. And _he_ had never said a word that it
would be painful for them both to remember. There was nothing
uncomfortable between them. He felt she would grow tired of Harry of her
own accord, and would then return to him, Romer, with no disagreeable
recollection of scenes, nor of their having said horrible things to one
another. Yes, he had been quite right. Yet she did not seem to him so
near as she used to be. He was not angry with her.... No, of course not.
He was not jealous. Perhaps she seemed more remote, more distant,
because he felt a certain coldness, and--yes--the coldness was there
because he was a little hurt perhaps.... And then he tried to go to
sleep again. But instantly his insane vision came back, and he got up
and walked round the room and tried to banish it.... At last he really
went to sleep, and awoke trembling with horror. He had had a horrible
dream. He dreamt that Harry was writing a letter, and that he had taken
the dagger from the wall of the studio and killed him. This was simply
horrible.
Then he began to realise the reason. It was subconscious jealousy. Then
he saw that he had set himself a task too big for him, and that he could
not endure to see Harry with Valentia now. It would be impossible to
bear it. He would have to tell him to go. He had mistaken his own
feelings. What he had heard on the verandah, what he had imagined, could
never be obliterated. Indeed, he saw clearly that if he tried to endure
it he would break down. The effort would lead to madness.--It was
impossible.... He had sent Harry back to her! He had actually sent him;
it was unbearable.
He would go back the next day, take Harry aside, and tell him that he
had found he couldn't bear it, and that on some pretext he must go away.
He would tell him that he had reached the limit of his endurance and
could bear no more. He would never speak of it to Valentia. Valentia
would be sad--but that could not be helped. He knew, now, that he could
not endure the sight of Harry again.
Having made this resolution, he became much calmer. But the dream
recurred each time he went to sleep until, in dread of it, he resolved
to sleep no more. His nerves felt shattered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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