“And now,” says Mickey Hefferman, the story-teller, “I have to tell you ov a raally onpleasant occurrence. If it was a Prodesan that was in it, I’d say that while the Pope’s back was turned, Father Tom made free wid the two lips ov Miss Eliza; but, upon my conscience, I believe it was a mere mistake that his Holiness fell into, on account ov his being an ould man and not having aither his eyesight or his hearing very parfect. At any rate it can’t be denied but that he had a sthrong imprission that sich was the case; for he wheeled about as quick as thought jist as his riv’rence was sitting down, and charged him wid the offince plain and plump. ‘Is it kissing my housekeeper before my face you are, you villain?’ says he. ‘Go down out o’ this,’ says he to Miss Eliza, ‘and do you be packing off wid you,’ he says to Father Tom, ‘for it’s not safe, so it isn’t, to have the likes ov you in a house where there’s timptation in your way.’ “‘Is it me?’ says his riv’rence; ‘why, what would your Holiness be at, at all? Sure I wasn’t doing no sich thing.’ “‘Would you have me doubt the evidence ov my sinses?’ says the Pope; ‘would you have me doubt the testimony ov my eyes and ears?’ says he. “‘Indeed I would so,’ says his riv’rence, ‘if they pretind to have informed your Holiness ov any sich foolishness.’ “‘Why,’ says the Pope, ‘I seen you afther kissing Eliza as plain as I see the nose on your face; I heard the shmack you gave her as plain as ever I heard thundher.’ “‘And how do you know whether you see the nose on my face or not?’ says his riv’rence; ‘and how do you know whether wrhat you thought was thundher was thundher at all? Them operations ov the sinses,’ says he, ‘comprises only particular corporayal emotions, connected wid sartin confused perciptions called sinsations, and isn’t to be depended upon at all. If we were to follow them blind guides, we might jist as well turn heretics at ons’t. ’Pon my secret word, your Holiness, it’s naither charitable nor orthodox ov you to set up the testimony ov your eyes and ears agin the characther of a clargyman. And now see how aisy it is to explain all them phwenomena that perplexed you. I ris and went over beside the young woman because the skillet was boiling over, to help her to save the dhrop ov liquor that was in it; and as for the noise you heard, my dear man, it was naither more nor less nor myself dhrawing the cork out ov this blessed bottle.’ “‘Don’t offer to thrape that upon me!’ says the Pope; ‘here’s the cork in the bottle still, as tight as a wedge.’