The Little Ball O' Fire; or, the Life and Adventures of John Marston Hall: The Works of G. P. R. James, Vol. XV.James, G. P. R. (George Payne Rainsford)
History
The Little Ball O' Fire; or, the Life and Adventures of John Marston Hall: The Works of G. P. R. James, Vol. XV.
James, G. P. R. (George Payne Rainsford)
France -- History -- Louis XIV, 1643-1715 -- Fiction
As I saw that he was really prepared, I proceeded more boldly, and
related to him, word for word, as far as my memory served me, the
account which had been given to me by Suzette. This I was permitted to
do uninterrupted, for, with his head leaning upon his arm, and his
hand shading his eyes, he listened, without question or comment of any
kind whatsoever, till I had finished all that I had to say. Even for
some minutes afterwards he remained still buried in deep thought,
though the words, "Fiends!--incarnate fiends!" which once or twice
broke from his lips, showed that his mind was busy with the tale of
deceit and villany which I had just related.
"You have, indeed," he said at length, "given me consolation; or,
perhaps, as I had better call it, you have afforded to me the means of
palliating, to my own mind, the errors that I have committed. I had
but one palliation before--the consciousness," and he lowered his
voice as he spoke, "the consciousness of having acted under mental
aberration. It was consolatory to me to know that I had been a madman;
and now," he continued, with a bitter smile, "it is still more
consolatory to me to know that I was a fool--a gross and egregious
fool! What must be the state of a man's heart when such convictions
can be such a relief!"
"I think, my lord," I replied, willing to do all that I could to
soften the sting, "I think that any one might have been deceived by
such a base and deep-laid scheme as that by which you were betrayed."
"Nay, nay," he added, "I was a fool, a consummate fool, in everything,
and in none less than in thinking that my feelings, and my designs,
and my weaknesses, were all hidden within my own bosom, when they seem
to have been as plain to yourself and to those two false and cruel
wretches as they were to the eyes of Heaven. Do not strive to persuade
me that I was not blind and foolish. It is, I tell you, it is a
consolation to me to know that I was so. Deep, eternal, everlasting
regret will still continue my portion throughout life. Every unkind
word, every harsh look, every ungenerous and cruel action, with which
I afflicted the heart of her who is now a saint in heaven, will rise
up night after night, and day after day, before my memory, and render
the sky that overhangs me and the world around dark and gloomy for
ever. Each action, each look, each word, each smile of her who is now
no more, will be remembered with sad and inconsolable regret; but,
nevertheless, that I was myself deceived--that my own wild and mad
suspicions were not all--that I was fooled and played upon, and made
to act a part my better nature disavows--this, this, I acknowledge,
presses part of the poison out of the wound, and softens the sting of
remorse. I thank you for your tidings, De Juvigny," he added, laying
his hand kindly upon my arm, "I thank you from my very heart. Your
voice always brings me comfort, and your arm always renders me
service."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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