Mental illness -- Fiction; Russia -- Fiction; Russian fiction -- Translations into English; Teachers -- Fiction
Peredonov went to Vespers in the school chapel. There he placed himself
behind the students and looked attentively to see how they behaved. It
seemed to him that some of them were mischievous, talked, whispered
and laughed. He noticed who they were and tried to memorise their
names. There were a number of them and he reproached himself for not
having brought a piece of paper and a pencil with him to write their
names down. He felt depressed because the students behaved so badly
and no one paid any attention to it, although the Head-Master and the
inspector with their wives and children were present. As a matter
of fact, the students were orderly and quiet--some of them crossed
themselves absently, with their thoughts far away from the church,
others prayed diligently. Only very rarely did one of them whisper
to his neighbour--two or three words perhaps, without turning their
heads, and the other always replied as briefly and quietly, sometimes
with no more than a quick movement, a look, a shrug or a smile. But
these insignificant movements, unnoticed by the form master, aroused an
illusion of great disorder in Peredonov's dull, perturbed mind. Even
in his tranquil moments Peredonov, like all coarse people, could not
appraise small incidents: either he did not notice them at all or he
exaggerated their importance. Now that he was agitated by expectations,
his perceptions served him even worse, and little by little the whole
reality became obscured before him by a thin smoke of detestable and
evil illusions.
And after all, what were the students to Peredonov even earlier? Were
they not merely an apparatus for the spreading of ink and paper by
means of the pen, and for the retelling in ready-made language what
had been said before in live human speech! In his whole educational
career Peredonov never for a moment reflected that the students were
the same human beings as grown-ups. Only bearded students with awakened
inclinations towards women suddenly became in his eyes equal to himself.
After he had stood behind the boys for some time and gathered enough
of depressing reflections, Peredonov moved forward toward the middle
rows. There, on the very edge, to the right, stood Sasha Pilnikov;
he was praying earnestly and often went down on his knees. Peredonov
watched him, and it gave him pleasure to see Sasha on his knees like
one chastised, and looking before him at the resplendent altar with
a concerned and appealing expression on his face; with entreaty and
sadness in his black eyes shaded by long intensely black eyelashes.
Smooth-faced and graceful, his chest standing out broad and high as he
rested there, calm and erect on his knees, as if under some sternly
observing eye, he appeared at that moment to Peredonov altogether like
a girl.
Peredonov now decided to go directly after Vespers to Pilnikov's rooms.
They began to leave the church. It was noticed that Peredonov no longer
wore a hat but a cap with a badge. Routilov asked laughingly:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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