British -- France -- Fiction; French -- England -- Fiction; Love stories
Two faces were with Giles that night as he turned, sleepless, again and
again, on his pillow; Alix’s face, and Toppie’s face. Toppie was before
him as he had seen her on the Autumn evening in the birch-woods when she
had looked away from him with the wildness in her eyes and had said:
“It’s as if there might be anything. As if you might hide anything.
She’s changed you so much.” She was before him as she said: “It’s as if
she might have changed Owen—if he had ever come to know her as well as
you do.”
It was he himself, in his stumbling confusion, his half truths and his
half loyalties, who had that evening set the deadly surmise before her.
She had not, he believed, since seeing it, drawn a breath at ease. She
would have been ready for what Alix had come to tell her. She would have
known, at the first word, that it was true. He saw her freeze to
stillness before the Medusa head.
Yet, if Toppie’s face brought the groan of helpless pity to his lips
while he tossed and turned, an even deeper piercing came in the thought
of Alix. She stood there, against the study door, facing him; facing the
deed she had done; facing a truth worse than Toppie’s. Toppie saw
herself betrayed by what she had most loved. But Alix saw herself as a
betrayer. Her look was that of a creature at bay, with wolves at its
throat.
Again, with a suffocating compassion, he saw her blind, outstretched
hands; he heard her gasping breath: “Giles—Is it true?” His arms
received her and he felt her sobs against his breast.
She became, while his comprehension yearned over her, part of himself.
Something fiercely tender, something trembling and awe-struck dawned in
his heart as he held her. To understand Toppie was to see her sink away
from him. To understand Alix was to see her enter his very flesh and
blood. It was for him that she had dared the almost inconceivable act;
and, as he thus saw her offered up in sacrifice for him, Giles knew,
with all that had been destroyed, something beautiful had been given. It
was his justification for the act that he had, from the beginning, dared
for her. It was the answer to an old perplexity. He had seen the dear
little French girl as so securely secular, so serenely pagan; so hard.
His perplexity had centred round the word Holiness and he had feared
that she might be impervious to its meaning. But as quietness descended
slowly upon his troubled heart Giles saw, while a sense of radiance grew
about him, that it was Alix herself who showed him further meanings in
the word.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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