We cannot say when, or by what means, the Lord first implanted the seed of eternal life in our sister's soul; but as in nature, so in grace--there is first the dropping of the seed, then the blade and the ear, and after that, the full corn in the ear; the full corn in many, as in our sister's case, not appearing until they are laid down by a fatal disease. By letters which I received from her the last few years, I had a hope the seed was sown from the love which she manifested to the truth and people of God. At the same time, many of her words and actions manifested much impatience, showing that she was a child of fallen Adam, and that she was under another influence than the Holy Spirit of God. This was a trial to us, giving us many errands to the throne of grace, not knowing what the end might be; and not only was it a grief to us, but also to herself. Some months ago, writing to me, she said, "I feel so very unhappy. I wish I had never been born, for I do not feel fit to live, nor yet fit to die." Her sister, with whom she lived, says, "Once or twice before her last affliction have we found her weeping, after she returned from the house of God--once especially, when Mr. Oldfield spoke from the words, 'Thou shalt preserve me from trouble,' at which time she seemed sorely tried; and referring to it on her dying bed, said, 'Satan did tempt me so then; but what a mercy God preserved me! I felt that, if I had died then, I must have been lost.'" At another time she found her in great distress, and, inquiring the cause, she said, "I feel so ill! I do not think I shall live long, and I know I am not prepared to die." About three weeks after this, she went to St. Ives' anniversary, and heard Mr. Hull preach from the text, "In this place will I give you peace." The words seemed to have an abiding-place in her heart, and proved a promise to her in her affliction. They were as "bread cast upon the waters, found and enjoyed after many days." When she returned from St. Ives, she looked quite ill, and said, "It seems as though I am not to go anywhere and enjoy myself." A few weeks after this, she took to her room, which she never left again. But, as her bodily strength decreased, she became more and more anxious about eternal things, and said to her sister and one of the members, who were sitting with her, "I do not think I shall get better. If I was sure I should go to heaven, I should not mind dying; but I keep thinking of all my past sins, and all that I have done and said. Do you think the Lord will forgive?" and with great earnestness she exclaimed, "Oh, do tell me--do you think He will forgive all my sins, and take me to heaven?" They told her they felt sure, if the Lord had made her sins a burden to her, and enabled her to beg of Him to cleanse her in His precious blood, He would, in His own time, answer her petitions, and they encouraged her to give Him no rest until He spoke home peace and pardon to her soul.