The Lock and Key Library: Classic Mystery and Detective Stories: Old Time English
General
The Lock and Key Library: Classic Mystery and Detective Stories: Old Time English
Detective and mystery stories; Fiction; Ghost stories
"They are all false," he exclaimed with energy. "Not, perhaps, all
false from inherent viciousness, though many are that, but false
because their inherent weakness renders them incapable of truth.
Oh! I know the catalogue of their good qualities. They are often
pitiful, self-devoting, generous; but they are so by fits and
starts, just as they are cruel, remorseless, exacting, by fits and
starts. They have no constancy--they are too weak to be constant
even in evil; their minds are all impressions; their actions are
all the issue of immediate promptings. Swayed by the fleeting
impulses of the hour, they have only one persistent, calculable
motive on which reliance can always be placed--that motive is
vanity; you are always sure of them there. It is from vanity they
are good--from vanity they are evil; their devotion and their
desertion equally vanity. I know them. To me they have disclosed
the shallows of their natures. God! how I have suffered from
them!"
A deep, low exclamation, half sob, half curse, closed his tirade.
He remained silent for a few minutes, looking on the floor, then,
suddenly turning his eyes upon me, said:
"Were you ever in Heidelberg?"
"Never."
"I thought all your countrymen went there? Then you will never
have heard anything of my story. Shall I tell you how my youth was
blighted? Will you care to listen?"
"It would interest me much."
"I had reached the age of seven-and-twenty," he began, "without
having once known even the vague stirrings of the passion of love.
I admired many women, and courted the admiration of them all; but I
was as yet not only heart-whole, but, to use your Shakespeare's
phrase, Cupid had not tapped me on the shoulder.
"This detail is not unimportant in my story. You may possibly have
observed that in those passionate natures which reserve their
force, and do not fritter away their feelings in scattered
flirtations or trivial love-affairs, there is a velocity and
momentum, when the movement of passion is once excited, greatly
transcending all that is ever felt by expansive and expressive
natures. Slow to be moved, when they do move it is with the whole
mass of the heart. So it was with me. I purchased my immunity
from earlier entanglements by the price of my whole life. I am not
what I was. Between my past and present self there is a gulf; that
gulf is dark, stormy, and profound. On the far side stands a youth
of hope, energy, ambition, and unclouded happiness, with great
capacities for loving; on this side a blighted manhood, with no
prospects but suffering and storm."
He paused. With an effort he seemed to master the suggestions
which crowded upon his memory, and continued his narrative in an
equable tone.
"I had been for several weeks at Heidelberg. One of my intimate
companions was Kestner, the architect, and he one day proposed to
introduce me to his sister-in-law, Ottilie, of whom he had
repeatedly spoken to me in terms of great affection and esteem.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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