Autobiographical fiction; England -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Teachers -- Fiction
Rather arbitrary. Her tone had been a little arbitrary of late. But
what did it matter? Mr. Jackson was not a friend, and he must risk the
chance of offending Widdrington. After the lesson he wrote to Ansell,
whom he had not seen since June, asking him to come down to Ilfracombe,
if only for a day. On reading the letter over, its tone displeased him.
It was quite pathetic: it sounded like a cry from prison. “I can’t
send him such nonsense,” he thought, and wrote again. But phrase it
as he would the letter always suggested that he was unhappy. “What’s
wrong?” he wondered. “I could write anything I wanted to him once.” So
he scrawled “Come!” on a post-card. But even this seemed too serious.
The post-card followed the letters, and Agnes found them all in the
waste-paper basket.
Then she said, “I’ve been thinking—oughtn’t you to ask Mr. Ansell
over? A breath of sea air would do the poor thing good.”
There was no difficulty now. He wrote at once, “My dear Stewart, We
both so much wish you could come over.” But the invitation was refused.
A little uneasy he wrote again, using the dialect of their past
intimacy. The effect of this letter was not pathetic but jaunty, and he
felt a keen regret as soon as it slipped into the box. It was a relief
to receive no reply.
He brooded a good deal over this painful yet intangible episode.
Was the pain all of his own creating? or had it been produced by
something external? And he got the answer that brooding always
gives—it was both. He was morbid, and had been so since his visit to
Cadover—quicker to register discomfort than joy. But, none the less,
Ansell was definitely brutal, and Agnes definitely jealous. Brutality
he could understand, alien as it was to himself. Jealousy, equally
alien, was a harder matter. Let husband and wife be as sun and moon,
or as moon and sun. Shall they therefore not give greeting to the
stars? He was willing to grant that the love that inspired her might be
higher than his own. Yet did it not exclude them both from much that is
gracious? That dream of his when he rode on the Wiltshire expanses—a
curious dream: the lark silent, the earth dissolving. And he awoke from
it into a valley full of men.
She was jealous in many ways—sometimes in an open humorous fashion,
sometimes more subtly, never content till “we” had extended our
patronage, and, if possible, our pity. She began to patronize and pity
Ansell, and most sincerely trusted that he would get his fellowship.
Otherwise what was the poor fellow to do? Ridiculous as it may seem,
she was even jealous of Nature. One day her husband escaped from
Ilfracombe to Morthoe, and came back ecstatic over its fangs of
slate, piercing an oily sea. “Sounds like an hippopotamus,” she said
peevishly. And when they returned to Sawston through the Virgilian
counties, she disliked him looking out of the windows, for all the
world as if Nature was some dangerous woman.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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