Autobiographical fiction; England -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Teachers -- Fiction
The day before his departure Rickie sat with him some time, and tried
to talk in a way that was not pedantic. In his own sorrow, which he
could share with no one, least of all with his wife, he was still alive
to the sorrows of others. He still fought against apathy, though he was
losing the battle.
“Don’t lose heart,” he told him. “The world isn’t all going to be like
this. There are temptations and trials, of course, but nothing at all
of the kind you have had here.”
“But school is the world in miniature, is it not, sir?” asked the
boy, hoping to please one master by echoing what had been told him by
another. He was always on the lookout for sympathy—: it was one of the
things that had contributed to his downfall.
“I never noticed that myself. I was unhappy at school, and in the world
people can be very happy.”
Varden sighed and rolled about his eyes. “Are the fellows sorry for
what they did to me?” he asked in an affected voice. “I am sure I
forgive them from the bottom of my heart. We ought to forgive our
enemies, oughtn’t we, sir?”
“But they aren’t your enemies. If you meet in five years’ time you may
find each other splendid fellows.”
The boy would not admit this. He had been reading some revivalistic
literature. “We ought to forgive our enemies,” he repeated; “and
however wicked they are, we ought not to wish them evil. When I was
ill, and death seemed nearest, I had many kind letters on this subject.”
Rickie knew about these “many kind letters.” Varden had induced the
silly nurse to write to people—people of all sorts, people that he
scarcely knew or did not know at all—detailing his misfortune, and
asking for spiritual aid and sympathy.
“I am sorry for them,” he pursued. “I would not like to be like them.”
Rickie sighed. He saw that a year at Dunwood House had produced a
sanctimonious prig. “Don’t think about them, Varden. Think about
anything beautiful—say, music. You like music. Be happy. It’s your
duty. You can’t be good until you’ve had a little happiness. Then
perhaps you will think less about forgiving people and more about
loving them.”
“I love them already, sir.” And Rickie, in desperation, asked if he
might look at the many kind letters.
Permission was gladly given. A neat bundle was produced, and for about
twenty minutes the master perused it, while the invalid kept watch on
his face. Rooks cawed out in the playing-fields, and close under the
window there was the sound of delightful, good-tempered laughter. A boy
is no devil, whatever boys may be. The letters were chilly productions,
somewhat clerical in tone, by whomsoever written. Varden, because he
was ill at the time, had been taken seriously. The writers declared
that his illness was fulfilling some mysterious purpose: suffering
engendered spiritual growth: he was showing signs of this already. They
consented to pray for him, some majestically, others shyly. But they
all consented with one exception, who worded his refusal as follows:—
Dear A.C. Varden,—
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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