“It’s all over; I’m sorry I bothered you and that I ran after you that
day in the snow-storm, but I guess I wasn’t quite right in my head
then. It was this sickness coming on. But it’s all done, and you don’t
need to trouble about it, Jean.”
“But, Joe,” and she bent nearer and took his hand, his big battered
hand, with his fingers twisted and bent by mine labour and the
punishment of the ball field; caressed it and went on in the same low
tone with which she had begun. “It isn’t over, Joe. I’ve talked to Mr.
Paddock about that. He says the court’s making me free and giving me my
name again doesn’t really count. You know how good and kind and gentle
he is, but he was very firm about that. He said I had sacrificed my
duty to my ambition--that was the way he put it--and now, Joe----”
And this was the hardest thing for her to say; it was bending her neck
again to the yoke from which she had been free; and there was a pain
in her heart that was not for herself but for him, for he had been the
sufferer; it was he that had cared. But she knew, as she believed
he could not, how impossible it would be for them to find the lost
path in which they had begun to walk together. He would take what she
offered without knowing at how great a cost she gave it, and her mind
leaped on at a bound across the long years before them to the end of
their lives. She saw her hopes for her work crumble into dust, and
the world of beauty which the dawning consciousness of her powers had
illumined before her, the joy of success, the stimulus of applause, the
acquaintance of people who would appreciate her skill--all these things
she would sweep away by a word and forget that they had ever been her
dreams or that life had ever held anything better for her than being
Joe’s wife, and living on with him, and eating the bread won for her by
the hand that lay there in hers. Suddenly, before she could finish and
tell him she would go back to him and renew the broken tie, she felt
his clasp tighten and she took it that he understood and that this was
his acceptance of what she meant to offer. She did not look into his
eyes at once and she hoped he would not speak, for anything he could
say would only cause her pain.
“Jean.”
“Yes,” she said bravely.
“It’s no good, Jean. I can’t let you do that; we quit, and if that was
wrong we can’t fix it now. You don’t need to feel sorry for me. I’ll
be out o’ here and all right pretty soon. And I ain’t goin’ to drag
you down. You talk about doin’ me a wrong, but that’s no reason why I
should do you a bigger one. We meant well when we started out, but it
would never have been any good. Don’t you feel sorry about it--it’s all
right, Jean. It’s like the good girl you are to offer to take me back,
but it’s all done and over. I want you to be happy and go on with your
work; but I’m not goin’ to be a dead weight on you. We ain’t for each
other, Jean.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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