New York (N.Y.) -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
The "Touraine" had been two days out from Havre in weather decidedly
rough, before Robert got his sea-legs back again. Others on board were
doubtless still deploring the pit of instability that lurks beneath the
surface of things. But as a rule their reflections had an origin that
was strictly physical. Robert, on his first brisk walk around the
second-class deck, reasoned from premises of a very different nature.
For he had reached a point where he felt constrained to take a sort of
inventory of himself, a mental stock-listing of his reverses, his
prospects, and his altered outlook on affairs.
Not that his theories had changed in substance.
From first to last, his mind had been filled with a fierce impatience of
the stupidity of man today and an unquenchable faith in a sanity to
come. Evil; as he conceived it, was a by-product of human growth, and
not, as Shelley conceived it, something imposed on man by a malignant
external power on the fall of which the race would at once become
perfect. In short, he believed that the incessant conflict of life was
largely a struggle between high and low desires, with money and numbers
on the side of Satan, and high-spirited intelligence on the side of the
angels.
In America, to be sure, where achievements not open to a flat cash
interpretation are passed by with a shrug or a vulgar joke, Robert’s
view of life had excited as much interest as a whisper in the wind. The
few who gave his philosophy a brief attention had hastily dismissed it
as a matter for milksops or imbeciles; on the fool who preached this
philosophy they had bestowed a cynical pity, and on the failure who
practised it, an amused contempt.
The failure who practised it! Robert knew that, judged by every
standard save his own, he was a failure, a complete, incurable failure.
He did not try to dodge this unanimous judgment. He despised it as much
as he exulted in his own faith. To be exact, as much as he _had_
exulted in his own faith.
For the blow that had knocked him galley-west in the office of the
Maison Paulette had seriously shaken his self-confidence.
A review of his recent conduct led him straight to a very unpalatable
verdict. He had behaved as stupidly towards Janet as any average man of
stone-age instincts. Because she had made one risky experiment in the
field of sex and had almost been tempted to make an even riskier
experiment in the field of subsistence, he had displayed in turn his
pique, jealousy, anger and scorn. The childish resentment that had
mastered him! And this when he owed Janet unbounded gratitude for her
wisdom in frightening him off from a suicidal offer of marriage. In his
varied exhibition of neolithic folly, where was the high-spirited
intelligence he boasted of possessing?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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