"Hector's house," she thought. And the thought frightened her. She
wanted not to go to Hector. She wanted Ronnie--her Ronnie. But the car
spun on.
Now, faltering and afraid, she stood before the door of her husband's
house. Now the door opened; and Lennard, subservient as ever, led her
into the recollected hall.
Lennard vanished; and suddenly Aliette's soul knew its dream for dream.
Then the dream grew real again. Fearful and alone she stood in the chill
vastness of that shadowy hall among the recollected furniture. She felt
her breasts throbbing under the thin frock, felt her knees tremble as
she grasped the door-handle of Hector's study.
No lights burned in the study. It was all gray, gray as the streets
without. Hector was not there--only a face--a huge, cruel, unrelenting
face.
"So you've come back," it said.
She moved toward the face, across the gray carpet that gave back no
sound to her feet. But she could not speak with the face. Between her
and the face--as a great sheet of glass--slid silence, the interminable
unbearable silence of dreams. Through the glass, Aliette could see every
pore in the great face, every hair of its head; but she might not speak
with it, nor it with her. Then a voice, a voice as of very conscience,
cried out in her: "Your strength against its strength. Your will against
its will."
She felt her will beat out from her as wings beat, beat and batter at
the glass between them. The glass of silence slid away; and she knew the
face for Hector's. She said to it:
"Hector, I haven't come back. I'm never coming back."
"You shall," said the face, Hector's face; and now, under the face, she
knew feet, her husband's feet.
At that, terror, the hopeless panic of dreams, gripped her soul by the
throat, choking down speech. It seemed to her that she stood naked in
that gray and silent room.
But now, as a momentary beam through the grayness, another face--the
face of her lover--was added to their silent company. And again, "Your
will against its will," said the voice.
Terror's fingers unclutched from her throat, so that her will spoke, "I
shall never come back, Hector."
The face writhed at the words as a face in pain; and suddenly, knowing
herself its master, she knew pity for the face, pity for the thing she
had done. Till once more she heard the inner voice whisper: "No pity.
Your strength against its strength. Your will against its will."
"But _I_ love you," pleaded Hector. "I need you."
She said to him, "My children need me, Hector. Set me free."
And once more the glass of the silences slid between them; once more the
interminable, unbearable silence of dreams held her speechless.
* * * * *
Tap, tap, tap. Who was that knocking on Hector's door? It must be
Ronnie. Tap, tap, tap. Ronnie mustn't come in. Ronnie mustn't find her
and Hector alone together.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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