Well, he had returned to her, and he had seen (as he fancied) her face
alight with the happiness of his return. For an hour he had thought of
the gracious possibility of being able to witness such an expression
upon her face any time that he came from a distant preaching. The
thought was a delight to him. Home--coming home! He had no home; and
surely, he felt, the longing for a home and a face to welcome him at the
door was the most natural--the most commendable--that a man could have.
And surely such a longing was not inconsistent with his devotion to the
work which he believed it was laid upon him to do while his life lasted.
He had seen her and talked with her for a short time, and felt refreshed
by being under the influence of her freshness. But then he had been
forced to banish her from his mind in order to give all his attention to
the grave matter which had brought him back to this place. He had walked
by her side through the mist the next day, and never once had he allowed
the thought of her to turn his eyes away from the purpose which had
called him forth into the mist of the morning. He thought of her
thoughtfulness in the matter of the mariner's compass with gratitude.
That was all. His heart was full of his work; there was no room in it
for anything else.
But now while he sat up in the early sunshine that streamed through his
window he felt himself free to think of her; and the more he thought of
her the more he wondered how he could ever have been led to believe what
he had already embodied in a book respecting the advantages of celibacy
for the clergy. A clergyman should not only have a knowledge of God;
a knowledge of man was essential to success in his calling; and a
knowledge of man meant a wide sympathy with men, and this he now felt
could only be acquired by one who had a home of his own. The influence
of the home and its associations could not but be the greatest to which
a man was subject. The ties that bind a man to his home were those which
bind him to his fellow-men. The _res angusta domi_, which some foolish
persons regarded as detrimental to a man's best work, were, he was now
convinced, the very incidents which enabled him to do good work, for
they enabled him to sympathise with his fellows.
Theologians do not, any more than other people, feel grateful to those
who have shown them to be in the wrong; but Wesley had nothing but the
kindliest feelings for Nelly Polwhele for having unwittingly led him
to see that the train of reasoning which he had pursued in his book was
founded upon an assumption which was in itself the result of an immature
and impersonal experience of any form of life except the Academic, and
surely such a question as he had discussed should be looked at from
every other standpoint than the Academic.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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