He shunned the cliff track, going in the opposite direction, which led
him past the village, and on to the steep sandy bay with its occasional
little peninsulas of high rocks, the surfaces of which were not covered
even by Spring tides. Very quiet the little port seemed at this
hour. Not a light was in any window--not a sound came from any of the
cottages. He stood for a long time on the little wharf looking at the
silent row of cottages. That one which had the rose-bush trained over
the porch was the home of the Polwheles, he knew, and he remained with
his eyes fixed upon it. It seemed as if this had been the object of his
walk--to stand thus in front of that house, as any youthful lover might
stand beneath the lattice that he loved.
He had his thoughts to think, and he found that this was the time to
think them. They were all about the girl who slept beyond that window.
He wondered if he had ever loved her before this moment. If he had
really loved her, how was it that he had never before been led to this
place to watch the house where she lay asleep? Was it possible that he
had fancied he knew her before he had passed those hours with her when
the storm was raging around them? He felt that without this experience
he could not possibly have known what manner of girl she was.
And now that he had come to know her the knowledge came to him with the
thought that she was not for him.
He had set out in the morning feeling that perhaps he had been too hasty
in coming to the conclusion that because, when far away from her he had
been thinking a great deal of his own loneliness and the joy that her
companionship would bring to him, he loved her. That was why he had
wished to put himself to the test, and he had fancied that he was doing
so when he had walked in the opposite direction to that in which the
village lay so that he might avoid the chance of meeting her.
But in spite of his elaborate precautions--he actually thought that
it had shown ingenuity on his part--he had met her, and he had learned
without putting the question to her that she was not for him. He
recalled what his feeling had been at that moment. He had fancied that
he knew all that her words meant to him; but he had deceived himself; it
was only now that he knew exactly the measure of what they meant to him.
It seemed to him that he had known nothing of the girl before he had
passed those dark hours by her side.
At that time it was as if all the world had been blotted out, only he
and she being left alone.
This feeling he now knew was what was meant by loving--this feeling that
there was nothing left in the world--that nothing mattered so long as he
and she were together--that death itself would be welcome if only it did
not sunder them.
And he had gained that knowledge only to know that they were to be
sundered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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