open his bosom and to declare to them how hateful--even during the
feverish hours of that detested evening--the idea of murder had been
to his soul. It would be useless for him to tell them that even then,
at that same time, he had cautioned Ussher to avoid the danger with
which he was threatened. It would be vain for him to declare how soon
and how entirely he had since repented of the folly of which he had
on that occasion been guilty. The stern faces by whom he would be
surrounded at his trial--when he should stand in that disgraceful
spot, with his head leaning on that bar so often pressed by
murderers, miscreants, and thieves--would receive his protestations
very differently from that benign friend who had previously comforted
him in his misery. They would neither listen to nor believe his
assurances; and he said involuntarily to himself--"Murder! of course
they'll call it murder! of course they'll hang me!"
The oftener he thought of this, the more he hurried, for he felt that
the police would be soon in search of him, and that at most he had
but that night to escape from them. As these ideas crossed his mind
he hastened along the lane leading to Drumleesh, sometimes running
and sometimes walking, till the perspiration stood upon his brow. If
it was murder that he had done--if the world should consider it as
murder--then he would most probably soon be in the same condition as
that criminal whose trial had so vividly occurred to his recollection
a few days ago. At that time the idea had only haunted him; he had
only then dreamt of the possibility of his situation being the same
as that man's, and the very horror he had then felt at the bare
thought had made him determined to avoid those who could even talk
of the crime which would lead to that situation. But now he had of
his own accord committed that crime; and how had he done it? In such
a manner that he could by no possibility escape detection. Then
again he tried to comfort himself by reflecting that it was not
murder--that his intention had not been to murder the man; but his
father's horrid words again rang through his ears, and he felt that
there was no hope for him but in flight.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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