England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; English fiction -- 20th century; Journalists -- Fiction
“But I do mean it, Eddy.” Her voice came small and uncertain through the
fog-choked air. “Truly I do. You see, the things I hate and can’t get
over are just nothing at all to you. We don’t feel the same about right
and wrong.... There’s religion, now. You want me, and you’d want me more
if we were married, to be friends with people who haven’t any, in the
sense I mean, and don’t want any. Well, I can’t. I’ve often told you. I
suppose I’m made that way. So there it is; it wouldn’t be happy a bit,
for either of us.... And then there are the wrong things people do, and
which you don’t mind. Perhaps I’m a prig, but anyhow we’re different,
and I do mind. I shall always mind. And I shouldn’t like to feel I was
getting in the way of your having the friends you liked, and we should
have to go separate ways, and though you could be friends with all my
friends--because you can with everyone--I couldn’t with all yours, and
we should hate it. You want so many more kinds of things and people than
I do; I suppose that’s it.” (Arnold Denison, who had once said, “Her
share of the world is homogeneous; his is heterogeneous,” would perhaps
have been surprised at her discernment, confirming his.)
Eddy said, “I want you. Whatever else I want, I want you. If you want
me--if you did want me, as I thought you did--it would be enough. If you
don’t.... But you do, you must, you do.”
And it was no argument. And she had reason and logic on her side, and he
nothing but the unreasoning reason of love. And so through the dim
afternoon they fought it out, and he came up against a will firmer than
his own, holding both their loves in check, a vision clearer than his
own, seeing life steadily and seeing it whole, till at last the vision
was drowned in tears, and she sobbed to him to go, because she would
talk no more. He went, vanquished and angry, out into the black, muffled
city, and groped his way to Soho, like a man who has been robbed of his
all and is full of bitterness but unbeaten, and means to get it back by
artifice or force.
He went back next day, and the day after that, hammering desperately on
the shut door of her resolve. The third day she left London and went
home. He only saw Mrs. Crawford, who looked at him speculatively and
with an odd touch of pity, and said, “So it’s all over. Molly seems to
know her own mind. I dislike broken engagements exceedingly; they are so
noticeable, and give so much trouble. One would have thought that in all
the years you have known each other one of you might have discovered
your incompatibility before entering into rash compacts. But dear Molly
only sees a little at a time, and that extremely clearly. She tells me
you wouldn’t suit each other. Well, she may be right, and anyhow I
suppose she must be allowed to judge. But I am sorry.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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