But Toni found herself, all unwillingly, handicapped, by her
non-comprehension both of the matter and method of Owen's creative work.
A plain, straightforward story Toni could assimilate easily enough.
Something primitive in her responded, also, to the call of the
world-wide emotions of love, hatred, revenge; but Owen's book dealt with
none of these; and the subtle philosophy, the carefully interwoven
motives of political expediency and half-reluctant patriotism were alike
uninteresting and unintelligible.
Where she did not understand, it was natural she should transcribe
incorrectly; and although it was easy for Owen to revise the typewritten
script after each day's labours, he was perpetually checked in his
stride, as it were, by the necessity of repeating or explaining some
incident or allusion by which Toni was frankly puzzled.
Naturally, too, the girl was nervous; and Owen's habit of striding to
and fro as he dictated made things, as she said desperately to herself,
far worse. In vain she quickened her pace in a wild attempt to keep up
with him. Faster and faster went her pen, more and more indistinct grew
the scribbled words; and in the hour of stress all ideas of spelling and
punctuation took to themselves wings and fled.
But worse even than her comparative failure with the merely mechanical
portion of the work was her mental inability to follow the working of
Owen's mind. Handicapped by the necessity of dictating his book, the
author often found himself at a standstill for some word which eluded
him; and although he encouraged Toni to make suggestions, it was very
seldom that she ventured to do so. The work went badly in consequence.
Owen used to think sometimes that if Toni's mind had been more attuned
to his, if they had shared ideas, had held the same standard in fiction,
he might have gained something from this enforced collaboration; but as
things were it became an irritation, effectually stopping the flow of
his ideas; and although he did his best to keep Toni in ignorance of his
feelings, she was bound to realize that the work was progressing in a
lame and halting fashion.
Therefore she was not surprised when Owen broke it to her, gently, that
he was thinking of a change of secretary.
"You see, dear,"--he spoke very kindly, feeling indeed very pitiful
towards the girl, whose fluctuating colour showed her mental
disturbance--"this sort of work demands a special training. You are
doing your best, I know, and I am very grateful to you, but you can see,
can't you, that I am getting on badly?"
"Yes, Owen." She spoke very slowly, and for a moment Owen wondered
whether it would be possible to continue the present arrangement. Then
common sense and creative ardour combined to utter a decided negative,
and feeling himself to be brutal he hurried on.
"Unfortunately I shan't be able to use my arm for some weeks. That
stupid old doctor ought to pay my secretary's fees, oughtn't he, since
he's responsible for my helplessness!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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