He had omitted to wire to Paris for rooms in the quiet little hotel he
had selected for their stay; and although it was not a matter of vital
necessity to do so, it would perhaps be just as well to make sure of
them, so that there need be no troublesome delay on arrival. There was a
post-office a hundred yards away, and he would only be gone for a few
moments. He did not venture to approach Toni, but speaking from the door
explained that he had forgotten to engage rooms in Paris, and if she
would excuse him for a minute or two he would rectify the omission. She
agreed gently, giving him a tired little smile; and he wasted no time in
departing on his errand.
When the door had closed behind him, Toni came to herself with a long,
slow shiver. Somehow until this moment she had not really understood all
that her flight implied. She had been so intent upon Owen's welfare,
that save for a few moments in the garden at Greenriver her own had been
forgotten; and although she had accepted Leonard Dowson's proposal with
an almost startling readiness, she had done so in the manner of one who,
drowning, clutches at a straw.
She had known, of course, that there would be a price to pay; but she
had not realized until this second how great that price would be.
Somehow the very nature of Leonard's errand had brought the whole
position home to her with almost overwhelming force; and suddenly Toni
knew that she could not go on with the adventure she had undertaken so
rashly.
She could not--_could_ not--go to Paris with this man, who for all his
devotion was a stranger to her. She could leave Owen, though it seemed
like tearing her heart out of her breast to go. But she could not go
away with another man.
Gone all at once was the glamour of her sacrifice. Although she knew
that by carrying out her scheme to the bitter end she might set Owen
free, it seemed to her at this moment that such freedom, so basely won,
could never bring her husband the happiness she craved for him.
For the first time, too, the thought of self would not be banished. She
saw the whole foolish, irrational, Quixotic scheme in its true light;
and flesh and blood shrank from a surrender which had no faintest touch
of love--or even passion--to dignify sordidness.
No. She could leave her husband--and in a sudden blinding flash of
insight she knew she could not--now--go back to Greenriver; but she
could not proceed farther on this shameful way.
To go to the hotel in Paris with this other man, to travel with him in
the enforced intimacy of their dual solitude, to pass, for all she knew,
as his wife when in reality she was the wife of the one man for whom the
great mystic trinity of body, soul and spirit passionately craved--oh,
no. She could not go on--and with the certainty came the need for haste.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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