And the shape that confidence should take? He must first disabuse his
new friend's mind of criminal or unworthy cause for his going away. For
the sake of his own name and that of his dead father that should be done.
Then he would have to suggest the real cause . . . He would in this have
to trust Mr. Stonehouse's honour for secrecy. But he was worthy of
trust. He would, of course, give no name, no clue; but he would put
things generally in a way that he could understand.
When his mind was so far made up he wanted to finish the matter, so he
turned to the wheelhouse and climbed the ladder again. It was not till
he sat in the shelter by his companion that he became aware that he had
become wet with the spray. The old man wishing to help him in his
embarrassment said:
'Well?' Harold began at once; the straightforward habit of his life stood
to him now:
'Let me say first, sir, what will I know give you pleasure.' The old man
extended his hand; he had been hoping for acceptance, and this seemed
like it. Harold laid his hand on it for an instant only, and then raised
it as if to say 'Wait':
'You have been so good to me, so nobly generous in your wishes that I
feel I owe you a certain confidence. But as it concerns not myself alone
I will ask that it be kept a secret between us two. Not to be told to
any other; not even your wife!'
'I will hold your secret sacred. Even from my wife; the first secret I
shall have ever kept from her.'
'First, then, let me say, and this is what I know will rejoice you, that
I am not leaving home and country because of any crime I have committed;
not from any offence against God or man, or law. Thank God! I am free
from such. I have always tried to live uprightly . . . ' Here a burst
of pain overcame him, and with a dry sob he added: 'And that is what
makes the terrible unfairness of it all!'
The old man laid a kindly hand on his shoulder and kept it there for a
few moments.
'My poor boy! My poor boy!' was all he said. Harold shook himself as if
to dislodge the bitter thoughts. Mastering himself he went on:
'There was a lady with whom I was very much thrown in contact since we
were children. Her father was my father's friend. My friend too, God
knows; for almost with his dying breath he gave sanction to my marrying
his daughter, if it should ever be that she should care for me in that
way. But he wished me to wait, and, till she was old enough to choose,
to leave her free. For she is several years younger than I am; and I am
not very old yet--except in heart! All this, you understand, was said in
private to me; none other knew it. None knew of it even till this moment
when I tell you that such a thing has been.' He paused; the other said:
'Believe me that I value your confidence, beyond all words!' Harold felt
already the good effects of being able to speak of his pent-up trouble.
Already this freedom from the nightmare loneliness of his own thoughts
seemed to be freeing his very soul.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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