“_September 7, 1852_, 7 a.m. Lancinating pain in the eyes, acute
suffering in the eyelids. Pressure on the temples, principally on the
left, eyes constantly watering, larynx contracted; a horrible,
never-ceasing devouring hunger, which seems to make me start. I am
seized by an anger which makes me seem mad in the eyes of others. If I
could still cry out, that would relieve me; I am boiling over with
anger, and I look wild. It is as though I had a little saw inside my
head. Always this motion of sawing--of a wheel which keeps turning and
carries me with it. My bones feel to me like dead wood which burns like
logwood.
“_September 8, 1852._ The whole day without having been able to do
anything. My forehead seemed encircled with a tight iron band. I went to
bed with a feeling of deep depression. Fear overpowers me--sometimes a
feeling of hatred--a very little excusable jealousy of those who can act
freely and work. I have in my back something like little strings pulling
in all directions, making music like an accordion. It is torturing. The
strongest man would fall dead with terror, if he could see the reality
of a person in my state of health.... And they laugh at me.... The
doctors refuse to believe in my sufferings. There are moments when all
that I have ever seen in my life is before my eyes at once. I feel
myself lifted into the air or up to the roofs; I feel a horror of
myself. It is like an old painting by Rembrandt etched in _aqua fortis_.
“_Dreams._--Dead horses, headless, dismembered--horrors of all kinds....
Then there are members of my family who appear to me; but everything I
see is distorted and reduced in size; there is, as it were, a _camera
obscura_ in me, and the reflector shows me everything in miniature. I
admit that I may be insane--but you, too, must admit at least that I am
very ill,” &c.
It is known, says Paulhan,[295] that with some dementia patients,
certain faculties remain intact; they can, for instance, play at cards
or draughts, though their mind in general may be quite disorganized. The
same is found to be the case with idiots. Griesinger saw, in the
Earlswood Asylum, a young man who had made, all by himself, a remarkable
model of a man-of-war. This individual’s intelligence was very limited;
he had no idea whatever of numbers. “It more frequently happens,” adds
the author, “that complete idiots execute fairly good work in drawing or
painting. In such cases, it is, of course, only a mechanical talent.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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