The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
He proved that she had established no corner in raised eyebrows.
'I fear,' he said, 'that I cannot discuss my affairs with Mr
Blaythwayt's employees. I must see him personally.'
'Mr Blaythwayt is not here.'
'I will wait.'
'He will not be here for thirteen hours.'
I'll wait.'
'Very well,' she burst out; 'you have brought it on yourself. You've
only yourself to blame. If you had been good and had gone back to your
office, I would have brought you down some cake and cocoa.'
'Cake and cocoa!' said he, superciliously.
'Yes, cake and cocoa,' she snapped. 'It's all very well for you to turn
up your nose at them now, but wait. You've thirteen hours of this in
front of you. I know what it is. Last time I had to spend the night
here I couldn't get to sleep for hours, and when I did I dreamed that I
was chasing chocolate _eclairs_ round and round Trafalgar Square.
And I never caught them either. Long before the night was finished I
would have given _anything_ for even a dry biscuit. I made up my
mind I'd always keep something here in case I ever got locked in
again--yes, smile. You'd better while you can.'
He was smiling, but wanly. Nobody but a professional fasting man could
have looked unmoved into the Inferno she had pictured. Then he rallied.
'Cake!' he said, scornfully.
She nodded grimly.
'Cocoa!'
Again that nod, ineffably sinister.
'I'm afraid I don't care for either,' he said.
'If you will excuse me,' she said, indifferently, 'I have a little work
that I must finish.'
She turned to her desk, leaving him to his thoughts. They were not
exhilarating. He had maintained a brave front, but inwardly he quailed.
Reared in the country, he had developed at an early age a fine, healthy
appetite. Once, soon after his arrival in London, he had allowed a
dangerous fanatic to persuade him that the secret of health was to go
without breakfast.
His lunch that day had cost him eight shillings, and only decent shame
had kept the figure as low as that. He knew perfectly well that long
ere the dawn of day his whole soul would be crying out for cake,
squealing frantically for cocoa. Would it not be better to--no, a
thousand times no! Death, but not surrender. His self-respect was at
stake. Looking back, he saw that his entire relations with this girl
had been a series of battles of will. So far, though he had certainly
not won, he had not been defeated. He must not be defeated now.
He crossed his legs and sang a gay air under his breath.
'If you wouldn't mind,' said the girl, looking up.
'I beg your pardon?'
'Your groaning interrupts my work.'
'I was not groaning. I was singing.'
'Oh, I'm sorry!'
'Not at all.'
Eight bars rest.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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