The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
A man will remain cool and composed under many charges. Hint that his
tastes are criminal, and he will shrug his shoulders. But accuse him
of goodness, and you rouse the lion.
Mr Ferguson's brow darkened.
'As a matter of fact,' he said, haughtily, 'I was to have had supper
with a chorus-girl this very night.'
'How very appalling!' said she, languidly.
She sipped her cocoa.
'I suppose you consider that very terrible?' she said.
'For a beginner.'
She crumbled her cake. Suddenly she looked up.
'Who is she?' she demanded, fiercely.
'I beg your pardon?' he said, coming out of a pleasant reverie.
'Who is this girl?'
'She--er--her name--her name is Marie--Marie Templeton.'
She seemed to think for a moment.
'That dear old lady?' she said.' I know her quite well.'
'What!'
'"Mother" we used to call her. Have you met her son?'
'Her son?'
'A rather nice-looking man. He plays heavy parts on tour. He's married
and has two of the sweetest children. Their grandmother is devoted to
them. Hasn't she ever mentioned them to you?'
She poured herself out another cup of cocoa. Conversation again
languished.
'I suppose you're very fond of her?' she said at length.
'I'm devoted to her.' He paused. 'Dear little thing!' he added.
She rose and moved to the door. There was a nasty gleam in her eyes.
'You aren't going?' he said.
'I shall be back in a moment. I'm just going to bring your poor little
office-boy up here. He must be missing you.'
He sprang up, but she had gone. Leaning over the banisters, he heard a
door open below, then a short conversation, and finally footsteps
climbing the stairs.
It was pitch dark on the landing. He stepped aside, and they passed
without seeing him. Master Bean was discoursing easily on cocoa, the
processes whereby it was manufactured, and the remarkable distances
which natives of Mexico had covered with it as their only food. The
door opened, flooding the landing with light, and Mr Ferguson, stepping
from ambush, began to descend the stairs.
The girl came to the banisters.
'Mr Ferguson!'
He stopped.
'Did you want me?' he asked.
'Are you going back to your office?'
'I am. I hope you will enjoy Bean's society. He has a fund of useful
information on all subjects.'
He went on. After a while she returned to the room and closed the door.
Mr Ferguson went into his office and sat down.
* * * * *
There was once a person of the name of Simeon Stylites, who took up a
position on top of a pillar and stayed there, having no other
engagements, for thirty years. Mr Ferguson, who had read Tennyson's
poem on the subject, had until tonight looked upon this as a pretty
good thing. Reading the lines:
...thrice ten years,
Thrice multiplied by superhuman pangs,
In hunger and in thirsts, fevers and colds,
In coughs, aches, stitches, ulcerous throes, and cramps,...
Patient on this tall pillar I have borne.
Rain, wind, frost, heat, hail, damp, and sleet, and snow,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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