The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
'I told you he had a fund of useful information. The Purpose and
Tenacity books insist on it. That's how you Catch your Employer's Eye.
One morning the boss suddenly wants to know how many horsehair sofas
there are in Brixton, the number of pins that would reach from London
Bridge to Waterloo. You tell him, and he takes you into partnership.
Later you become a millionaire. But I haven't thanked you for the
cocoa. It was fine.'
He waited for the retort, but it did not come. A pleased wonderment
filled him. Could these things really be thus?
'And it isn't only what he says,' she went on. 'I know what you mean
about him now. It's his accusing manner.'
'I've tried to analyse that manner. I believe it's the spectacles.'
'It's frightful when he looks at you; you think of all the wrong things
you have ever done or ever wanted to do.'
'Does he have that effect on you?' he said, excitedly. 'Why, that
exactly describes what I feel.'
The affinities looked at one another.
She was the first to speak.
'We always did think alike on most things, didn't we?' she said.
'Of course we did.'
He shifted his chair forward.
'It was all my fault,' he said. 'I mean, what happened.'
'It wasn't. It--'
'Yes, it was. I want to tell you something. I don't know if it will
make any difference now, but I should like you to know it. It's this.
I've altered a good deal since I came to London. For the better, I
think. I'm a pretty poor sort of specimen still, but at least I don't
imagine I can measure life with a foot-rule. I don't judge the world
any longer by the standards of a country town. London has knocked some
of the corners off me. I don't think you would find me the Bean type
any longer. I don't disapprove of other people much now. Not as a
habit. I find I have enough to do keeping myself up to the mark.'
'I want to tell you something, too,' she said. 'I expect it's too late,
but never mind. I want you to hear it. I've altered, too, since I came
to London. I used to think the Universe had been invented just to look
on and wave its hat while I did great things. London has put a large
piece of cold ice against my head, and the swelling has gone down. I'm
not the girl with ambitions any longer. I just want to keep employed,
and not have too bad a time when the day's work is over.'
He came across to where she sat.
'We said we would meet as strangers, and we do. We never have known
each other. Don't you think we had better get acquainted?' he said.
There was a respectful tap at the door.
'Come in?' snapped Mr Ferguson. 'Well?' Behind the gold-rimmed
spectacles of Master Bean there shone a softer look than usual, a look
rather complacent than disapproving.
'I must apologize, sir, for intruding upon you. I am no longer in your
employment, but I do hope that in the circumstances you will forgive
my entering your private office. Thinking over our situation just now
an idea came to me by means of which I fancy we might be enabled to
leave the building.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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