The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
She compared him, to his disadvantage, with Eddy. Eddy, during these
days, continued to be more and more of a comfort. It rather surprised
her that he found so much time to devote to her. When she had first
called on him, on her arrival in the city, he had given her the
impression--more, she admitted, by his manner than his words--that she
was not wanted. He had shown no disposition to seek her company. But
now he seemed always to be on hand. To take her out to lunch appeared
to be his chief hobby.
One afternoon Joe commented on it, with that air of suppressing an
indulgent smile which Mary found so trying.
'I saw you and Eddy at Stephano's just now,' he said, between sentences
of a letter which he was dictating. 'You're seeing a great deal of
Eddy, aren't you?'
'Yes,' said Mary. 'He's very kind. He knows I'm lonely.' She paused.
'_He_ hasn't forgotten the old days,' she said, defiantly.
Joe nodded.
'Good old Eddy!' he said.
There was nothing in the words to make Mary fire up, but much in the
way they were spoken, and she fired up accordingly.
'What do you mean?' she cried.
'Mean?' queried Joe.
'You're hinting at something. If you have anything to say against Eddy,
why don't you say it straight out?'
'It's a good working rule in life never to say anything straight out.
Speaking in parables, I will observe that, if America was a monarchy
instead of a republic and people here had titles, Eddy would be a
certainty for first Earl of Pearl Street.'
Dignity fought with curiosity in Mary for a moment. The latter won.
'I don't know what you mean! Why Pearl Street?'
'Go and have a look at it.'
Dignity recovered its ground. Mary tossed her head.
'We are wasting a great deal of time,' she said, coldly. 'Shall I take
down the rest of this letter?'
'Great idea!' said Joe, indulgently. 'Do.'
* * * * *
A policeman, brooding on life in the neighbourhood of City Hall Park
and Broadway that evening, awoke with a start from his meditations to
find himself being addressed by a young lady. The young lady had large
grey eyes and a slim figure. She appealed to the aesthetic taste of the
policeman.
'Hold to me, lady,' he said, with gallant alacrity. 'I'll see yez
acrost.'
'Thank you, I don't want to cross,' she said. 'Officer!'
The policeman rather liked being called 'Officer'.
'Ma'am?' he beamed.
'Officer, do you know a street called Pearl Street?'
'I do that, ma'am.'
She hesitated. 'What sort of street is it?'
The policeman searched in his mind for a neat definition.
'Darned crooked, miss,' he said.
He then proceeded to point the way, but the lady had gone.
It was a bomb in a blue dress that Joe found waiting for him at the
office next morning. He surveyed it in silence, then raised his hands
over his head.
'Don't shoot,' he said. 'What's the matter?'
'What right had you to say that about Eddy? You know what I mean--about
Pearl Street.'
Joe laughed.
'Did you take a look at Pearl Street?'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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