The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
In the case of Andrew Galloway, Nature had been thwarted up till now by
the accident of an unfortunate attachment in early life. The facts were
not fully known, but it was generally understood that his fiancee had
exercised Woman's prerogative and changed her mind. Also, that she had
done this on the actual wedding-day, causing annoyance to all, and had
clinched the matter by eloping to Jersey City with the prospective
bridegroom's own coachman. Whatever the facts, there was no doubt about
their result. Mr Galloway, having abjured woman utterly, had flung
himself with moody energy into the manufacture and propagation of his
'Tried and Proven' Braces, and had found consolation in it ever since.
He would be strong, he told himself, like his braces. Hearts might snap
beneath a sudden strain. Not so the 'Tried and Proven'. Love might tug
and tug again, but never more should the trousers of passion break away
from the tough, masterful braces of self-control.
As Mr Galloway had been in this frame of mind for a matter of eleven
years, it seemed to Rollo not unreasonable to hope that he might
continue in it permanently. He had the very strongest objection to his
uncle marrying a chorus-girl; and, as the years went on and the
disaster did not happen, his hopes of playing the role of heir till the
fall of the curtain grew stronger and stronger. He was one of those
young men who must be heirs or nothing. This is the age of the
specialist, and years ago Rollo had settled on his career. Even as a
boy, hardly capable of connected thought, he had been convinced that
his speciality, the one thing he could do really well, was to inherit
money. All he wanted was a chance. It would be bitter if Fate should
withhold it from him.
He did not object on principle to men marrying chorus-girls. On the
contrary, he wanted to marry one himself.
It was this fact which had given that turn to his thoughts which had
finally resulted in the schedule.
* * * * *
The first intimation that Wilson had that the schedule was actually to
be put into practical operation was when his employer, one Monday
evening, requested him to buy a medium-sized bunch of the best red
roses and deliver them personally, with a note, to Miss Marguerite
Parker at the stage-door of the Duke of Cornwall's Theatre.
Wilson received the order in his customary gravely deferential manner,
and was turning to go; but Rollo had more to add.
'Flowers, Wilson,' he said, significantly.
'So I understood you to say, sir. I will see to it at once.'
'See what I mean? Third week, Wilson.'
'Indeed, sir?'
Rollo remained for a moment in what he would have called thought.
'Charming girl, Wilson.'
'Indeed, sir?'
'Seen the show?'
'Not yet, sir.'
'You should,' said Rollo, earnestly. 'Take my advice, old scout, and
see it first chance you get. It's topping. I've had the same seat in
the middle of the front row of the stalls for two weeks.'
'Indeed, sir?'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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