The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
'Jerry says, "These are my friends, Miss Tuxton--Mr Bailey and Mr
Roach. They are staying with me for a visit. This is Miss Jane Tuxton,"
he says to us. "I was just going to see Miss Tuxton home," he says,
sort of wistful. "Excellent," says Gentleman. "We'll come too." And we
all goes along. There wasn't much done in the way of conversation.
Jerry never was one for pushing out the words; nor was I, when in the
presence of the sect; and Miss Jane had her chin in the air, as if she
thought me and Gentleman was not needed in any way whatsoever. The
only talk before we turned her in at the garden gate was done by
Gentleman, who told a pretty long story about a friend of his in Upper
Sydenham who had been silly enough to marry, and had had trouble ever
since.
'That night, after we had went to bed, I said to Gentleman,
"Gentleman," I says, "what's going to be done about this? We've got
about as much chance, if Jerry marries that girl," I says, "as a couple
of helpless chocolate creams at a school-girls' picnic." "If," says
Gentleman. "He ain't married her yet. That is a girl of character,
Jack. Trust me. Didn't she strike you as a girl who would like a man
with a bit of devil in him, a man with some go in him, a you-be-darned
kind of man? Does Jerry fill the bill? He's more like a doormat with
'Welcome' written on it, than anything else."
'Well, we seen a good deal of Miss Jane in the next week or so. We
keeps Jerry under--what's it the heroine says in the melodrama? "Oh,
cruel, cruel, S.P. something." Espionage, that's it. We keeps Jerry
under espionage, and whenever he goes trickling round after the girl,
we goes trickling round after him.
'"Things is running our way," says Gentleman to me, after one of these
meetings. "That girl is getting cross with Jerry. She wants Reckless
Rudolf, not a man who stands and grins when other men butt in on him
and his girl. Mark my words, Jack. She'll get tired of Jerry, and go
off and marry a soldier, and we'll live happy ever after." "Think so?"
I says. "Sure of it," said Gentleman.
'It was the Sunday after this that Jerry Moore announces to us,
wriggling, that he had an engagement to take supper with Jane and her
folks. He'd have liked to have slipped away secret, but we was keeping
him under espionage too crisp for that, so he has to tell us.
"Excellent," said Gentleman. "It will be a great treat to Jack and
myself to meet the family. We will go along with you." So off we all
goes, and pushes our boots in sociable fashion under the Tuxton table.
I looked at Miss Jane out of the corner of my eye; and, honest, that
chin of hers was sticking out a foot, and Jerry didn't dare look at
her. Love's young dream, I muses to myself, how swift it fades when a
man has the nature and disposition of a lop-eared rabbit!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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