The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
My companion, with the artist's instinct for the 'curtain', paused. He
looked round the brightly-lit restaurant. From every side arose the
clatter of knife and fork, and the clear, sharp note of those who drank
soup. In a distant corner a small waiter with a large voice was calling
the cook names through the speaking-tube. It was a cheerful scene, but
it brought no cheer to my companion. He sighed heavily and resumed:
* * * * *
I 'urry over that painful scene. There is blooming row. My uncle is
'ot-tempered man. The cat is 'eavy cat. I 'ave thrown 'im very hard,
for my nerves and my toothache and my 'atred 'ave given me the giant's
strength. Alone is this enough to enrage my 'ot-tempered uncle. I am
there in his hotel, you will understand, as cashier, not as
cat-thrower. And now, besides all this, I have insulted valuable
patron. She 'ave left the hotel that day.
There are no doubts in my mind as to the outcome. With certainty I
await my _conge_. And after painful scene I get it. I am to go. At
once. He 'ave assured the angry American woman that I go at once.
He has called me into his private office. 'Jean,' he has said to me, at
the end of other things, 'you are a fool, dolt, no-good imbecile. I
give you good place in my hotel, and you spend your time flinging cats.
I will 'ave no more of you. But even now I cannot forget that you are
my dear brother's child. I will now give you one thousand francs and
never see you again.'
I have thanked him, for to me it is wealth. Not before have I ever had
one thousand francs of my own.
I go out of the hotel. I go to a _cafe_ and order a bock. I smoke
a cigarette. It is necessary that I think out plans. Shall I with my
one thousand francs rent a studio in the Quarter and commence my life
as artist? No. I have still the genius, the ent'usiasm, but I have not
the training. To train myself to paint pictures I must study long, and
even one thousand francs will not last for ever. Then what shall I do?
I do not know. I order one other bock, and smoke more cigarettes, but
still I do not know.
And then I say to myself, 'I will go back to my uncle, and plead with
him. I will seize favourable opportunity. I will approach him after
dinner when he is in good temper. But for that I must be close at hand.
I must be--what's your expression?--"Johnny-on-the-spot".'
My mind is made up. I have my plan.
I have gone back to my uncle's hotel, and I have engaged not too
expensive bedroom. My uncle does not know. He still is in his private
office. I secure my room.
I dine cheaply that night, but I go to theatre and also to supper after
the theatre, for have I not my thousand francs? It is late when I reach
my bedroom.
I go to bed. I go to sleep.
But I do not sleep long. I am awakened by a voice.
It is a voice that says, 'Move and I shoot! Move and I shoot!' I lie
still. I do not move. I am courageous, but I am unarmed.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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