The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
'It is like this,' he has resumed. 'I have thought to myself where is
lost cat most likely to be? And I have answered, "In the Cats' House."
I go this morning to the Cats' House, and there I see a cat which is
either lost Alexander or his living image. Exactly is he the same to
all appearances as the lost Alexander. But there is, when I try to
purchase 'im, some curious 'itch which they do not explain. They must
'ave time, they say, to consider. They cannot at once decide.'
'Why, what nonsense!' Miss Marion 'ave cried. 'If the cat is my cat,
surely then must they return 'im to me! Come,' she has said, 'let us
all three at once in a taxi-cab go to the Cats' House. If the all three
of us identify the lost Alexander, then must they return 'im.'
Monsieur, I am uneasy. I have foreboding. But I go. What choice? We go
in a taxi-cab to the Cats' House.
The _directeur_ is courteous and sympathetic. He has introduced us
to the cat, and my 'eart 'as turned to water, for it is Alexander. Why
has he not been destroyed?
The _directeur_ is speaking. I 'ear him in a dream.
'If you identify 'im as your cat, miss,' he has said, 'the matter is
ended. My 'esitation when you, sir, approached me this morning on the
matter was due to the fact that a messenger was sent with instructions
that he be destroyed at once.'
'Rather rough, wasn't it, that, on the messenger, yes,' Captain Bassett
has said. He is facetious, you understand, for he is conqueror.
I am silent. I am not facetious. For already I feel--how do you
say?--my fowl is cooked.
'Not the messenger, sir,' the _directeur_ has said. 'You 'ave
misunderstood me. It was the cat which was to be destroyed as per
instructions of the anonymous sender.'
'Who could have played such a wicked trick?' Miss Marion has asked,
indignant.
The _directeur_ has stooped, and from behind a table he has
brought a 'at-box.
'In this,' he has said, 'the above animal was conveyed. But with it was
no accompanying letter. The sender was anonymous.'
'Per'aps,' Captain Bassett has said--and still more in a dream I 'ear
him--'per'aps on the 'at-box there is some bally name or other, do you
not know--what?'
I clutch at the table. The room is spinning round and round. I have no
stomach--only emptiness.
'Why, bless me,' the _directeur_ has said, 'you're quite right,
sir. So there is. Funny of me not to have before observed it. There is
a name, and also an address. It is the name of Jean Priaulx, and the
address is the Hotel Jules Priaulx, Paris.'
My companion stopped abruptly. He passed a handkerchief over his
forehead. With a quick movement he reached for his glass of liqueur
brandy and drained it at a gulp.
'Monsieur,' he said, 'you will not wish me to describe the scene? There
is no need for me--_hein?_--to be Zolaesque. You can imagine?'
'She chucked you?' In moments of emotion it is the simplest language
that comes to the lips.
He nodded.
'And married Captain Bassett?'
He nodded again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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