The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
Thursday morning suited Archibald admirably. It had occurred to him
that he could bring off a double event. Margaret had arrived at Cape
Pleasant on the previous evening, and he had arranged by telephone to
meet her at the end of the board-walk, which was about a mile from the
links, at one o'clock, supply her with lunch, and spend the afternoon
with her on the water. If he started his match with Gossett at
eleven-thirty, he would have plenty of time to have his game and be at
the end of the board-walk at the appointed hour. He had no delusions
about the respective merits of Gossett and himself as golfers. He knew
that Gossett would win the necessary ten holes off the reel. It was
saddening, but it was a scientific fact. There was no avoiding it. One
simply had to face it.
Having laid these plans, he caught the train on the Thursday morning
with the consoling feeling that, however sadly the morning might begin,
it was bound to end well.
The day was fine, the sun warm, but tempered with a light breeze. One
or two of the club had come to watch the match, among them Sigsbee.
Sigsbee drew Gossett aside.
'You must let me caddie for you, old man,' he said. 'I know your
temperament so exactly. I know how little it takes to put you off your
stroke. In an ordinary game you might take one of these boys, I know,
but on an important occasion like this you must not risk it. A grubby
boy, probably with a squint, would almost certainly get on your
nerves. He might even make comments on the game, or whistle. But I
understand you. You must let me carry your clubs.'
'It's very good of you,' said Gossett.
'Not at all,' said Sigsbee.
* * * * *
Archibald was now preparing to drive off from the first tee. He did
this with great care. Everyone who has seen Archibald Mealing play golf
knows that his teeing off is one of the most impressive sights ever
witnessed on the links. He tilted his cap over his eyes, waggled his
club a little, shifted his feet, waggled his club some more, gazed
keenly towards the horizon for a moment, waggled his club again, and
finally, with the air of a Strong Man lifting a bar of iron, raised it
slowly above his head. Then, bringing it down with a sweep, he drove
the ball with a lofty slice some fifty yards. It was rarely that he
failed either to slice or pull his ball. His progress from hole to hole
was generally a majestic zigzag.
Gossett's drive took him well on the way to the green. He holed out in
five. Archibald, mournful but not surprised, made his way to the second
tee.
The second hole was shorter. Gossett won it in three. The third he took
in six, the fourth in four. Archibald began to feel that he might just
as well not be there. He was practically a spectator.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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