The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
Those murmuring approval observed that the telegraph boy was once more
in their midst. This time he bore two missives. Sigsbee dexterously
impounded both.
'No,' he said with decision. 'I absolutely refuse to let you look at
them till the game is over. I know your temperament.'
Gossett gesticulated.
'But they must be important. They must come from my office. Where else
would I get a stream of telegrams? Something has gone wrong. I am
urgently needed.'
Sigsbee nodded gravely.
'That is what I fear,' he said. 'That is why I cannot risk having you
upset. Time enough, Gossett, for bad news after the game. Play on, man,
and dismiss it from your mind. Besides, you couldn't get back to New
York just yet, in any case. There are no trains. Dismiss the whole
thing from your mind and just play your usual, and you're sure to win.'
Archibald had driven off during this conversation, but without his
previous success. This time he had pulled his ball into some long
grass. Gossett's drive was, however, worse; and the subsequent movement
of the pair to the hole resembled more than anything else the
manoeuvres of two men rolling peanuts with toothpicks as the result of
an election bet. Archibald finally took the hole in twelve after
Gossett had played his fourteenth.
When Archibald won the next in eleven and the tenth in nine, hope began
to flicker feebly in his bosom. But when he won two more holes,
bringing the score to like-as-we-lie, it flamed up within him like a
beacon.
The ordinary golfer, whose scores per hole seldom exceed those of
Colonel Bogey, does not understand the whirl of mixed sensations which
the really incompetent performer experiences on the rare occasions when
he does strike a winning vein. As stroke follows stroke, and he
continues to hold his opponent, a wild exhilaration surges through him,
followed by a sort of awe, as if he were doing something wrong, even
irreligious. Then all these yeasty emotions subside and are blended
into one glorious sensation of grandeur and majesty, as of a giant
among pygmies.
By the time that Archibald, putting with the care of one brushing flies
off a sleeping Venus, had holed out and won the thirteenth, he was in
the full grip of this feeling. And as he walked to the fifteenth tee,
after winning the fourteenth, he felt that this was Life, that till now
he had been a mere mollusc.
Just at that moment he happened to look at his watch, and the sight was
like a douche of cold water. The hands stood at five minutes to one.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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