The Man Upstairs and Other StoriesWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Man Upstairs and Other Stories
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories, English
Eye-witnesses of that great encounter will tell the story of the last
hole to their dying day. It was one of those Titanic struggles which
Time cannot efface from the memory. Archibald was fortunate in getting
a good start. He only missed twice before he struck his ball on the
tee. Gossett had four strokes ere he achieved the feat. Nor did
Archibald's luck desert him in the journey to the green. He was out of
the bunker in eleven.
Gossett emerged only after sixteen. Finally, when Archibald's
twenty-first stroke sent the ball trickling into the hole, Gossett
had played his thirtieth.
The ball had hardly rested on the bottom of the hole before Gossett had
begun to tear the telegrams from their envelopes. As he read, his eyes
bulged in their sockets.
'Not bad news, I hope,' said a sympathetic bystander.
Sigsbee took the sheaf of telegrams.
The first ran: 'Good luck. Hope you win. McCay.' The second also ran:
'Good luck. Hope you win. McCay.' So, singularly enough, did the third,
fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh.
'Great Scott!' said Sigsbee. 'He seems to have been pretty anxious not
to run any risk of missing you, Gossett.'
As he spoke, Archibald, close beside him, was looking at his watch. The
hands stood at a quarter to two.
Margaret and her mother were seated in the parlour when Archibald
arrived. Mrs Milsom, who had elicited the fact that Archibald had not
kept his appointment, had been saying 'I told you so' for some time,
and this had not improved Margaret's temper. When, therefore,
Archibald, damp and dishevelled, was shown in, the chill in the air
nearly gave him frost-bite. Mrs Milsom did her celebrated imitation of
the Gorgon, while Margaret, lightly humming an air, picked up a weekly
paper and became absorbed in it.
'Margaret, let me explain,' panted Archibald. Mrs Milsom was understood
to remark that she dared say. Margaret's attention was riveted by a
fashion plate.
'Driving in a taximeter to the ferry this morning,' resumed Archibald,
'I had an accident.'
This was the result of some rather feverish brain-work on the way from
the links to the cottage.
The periodical flopped to the floor.
'Oh, Archie, are you hurt?'
'A few scratches, nothing more; but it made me miss my train.'
'What train did you catch?' asked Mrs Milsom sepulchrally.
'The one o'clock. I came straight on here from the station.'
'Why,' said Margaret, 'Stuyvesant was coming home on the one o'clock
train. Did you see him?'
Archibald's jaw dropped slightly.
'Er--no,' he said.
'How curious,' said Margaret.
'Very curious,' said Archibald.
'Most curious,' said Mrs Milsom.
They were still reflecting on the singularity of this fact when the
door opened, and the son of the house entered in person.
'Thought I should find you here, Mealing,' he said. 'They gave me this
at the station to give to you; you dropped it this morning when you got
out of the train.'
He handed Archibald the missing pouch.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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