It came about—but has it come about? Or is this some mad dream from
which I shall wake to the old somber reality? How can a dark turbid
current so suddenly bring one out into a flashing, sparkling, sunlit
lagoon, overhung with a verdure so rich and lustrous it would seem to
have come fresh from the Creator’s hand? I hear birds piping in wondrous
music, or do I imagine it? But I began by telling you I should be
incoherent.
It must have been some time past midnight when I screened the fire, put
out the lights and wearily, in darkness, made my way up the stairs.
The fire had unaccountably and fitfully smoked to-night and I remember
the last thing I did was to take out Fred Salmon’s gold-colored
certificates from the safe, examine them with smarting eyes and then
gaze in sleepy astonishment at the quotation of Salmon Oil in the
newspapers. According to that the shares were now worth twenty-six
thousand dollars! It seemed incredible, absurd. And the year was up
and I might sell the stuff. Like a miser who has nothing else in life to
look for, I gazed spellbound at those securities in whose security I
even now could not believe. But unlike the miser of fiction, but like
my dull, stupid self, I neglected to replace the crackling papers,
though I did put the Valdarfer Boccaccio in and closed the safe.
In the upper passageway, I distinctly recall walking on tiptoe so that
Alicia might not be disturbed. Was it hallucination I wonder, or did I
actually hear like a sighing whisper through the darkness,
"Good night, Uncle Ranny!"
I am always imagining her voice and her gestures in my brain. I must
ask her when she wakes up. At any rate, that mysterious whisper it was,
or the hallucination of a whisper, that stirred me into wakefulness
again. I began to undress and paused, realizing that I was now too
wakeful to sleep. I donned a dressing gown over my waistcoat, adjusted
the light and lay down upon the bed with Baudelaire’s "Fleurs de Mai" in
my hand. A little of Baudelaire had the effect upon my mind of rich
food upon a furred tongue. Why, I wondered, do I keep that gloomy book
upon my bedside table? I threw it down in disgust and took up a volume
of Florio’s Montaigne instead.
To read and enjoy Montaigne is a certain sign of middle age. I have
long enjoyed Montaigne. A French verse to the effect that "a peaceful
indifference is the sagest of virtues" came into my head and with sudden
violence I threw away Montaigne.
I was not middle-aged. I was not indifferent. The heart of frustrated
youth in me was crying out for life and love! Alicia was two doors away
from me. She did not love my nephew. Could I not, if I plucked up
energy and resolution, make her love me? Was I then so irrevocably
Uncle Ranny? I leaped up feverishly, lifted the shade and looked out
upon the blinking stars. Their message was a very simple one. From
Virgo to Cassiopeia, from the Pole star to the farthest twinkler they
seemed to say:
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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