Ookhtishchev listened to the painful, unconnected words that burst from
his companion’s lips. He saw how the muscles of his face contracted with
the effort to express his thoughts, and he felt that behind this bombast
there was a great, serious grief. There was something intensely pathetic
in the powerlessness of this strong and savage youth, who suddenly
started to pace the sidewalk with big, uneven steps. Skipping along
after him with his short legs, Ookhtishchev felt it his duty somehow to
calm Foma. Everything Foma had said and done that evening awakened in
the jolly secretary a feeling of lively curiosity toward Foma, and
then he felt flattered by the frankness of the young millionaire. This
frankness confused him with its dark power; he was disconcerted by its
pressure, and though, in spite of his youth, he had a stock of words
ready for all occasions in life, it took him quite awhile to recall
them.
“I feel that everything is dark and narrow about me,” said Gordyeeff. “I
feel that a burden is falling on my shoulders, but what it is I cannot
understand! It puts a restraint on me, and it checks the freedom of my
movements along the road of life. Listening to people, you hear that
each says a different thing. But she could have said--”
“Eh, my dear boy!” Ookhtishchev interrupted Foma, gently taking his arm.
“That isn’t right! You have just started to live and already you are
philosophizing! No, that is not right! Life is given us to live! Which
means--live and let others live. That’s the philosophy! And that woman.
Bah! Is she then the only one in the world? The world is large enough.
If you wish, I’ll introduce you to such a virile woman, that even the
slightest trace of your philosophy would at once vanish from your soul!
Oh, a remarkable woman! And how well she knows how to avail herself
of life! Do you know, there’s also something epic about her? She is
beautiful; a Phryne, I may say, and what a match she would be to you!
Ah, devil! It is really a splendid idea. I’ll make you acquainted with
her! We must drive one nail out with another.”
“My conscience does not allow it,” said Foma, sadly and sternly. “So
long as she is alive, I cannot even look at women.”
“Such a robust and healthy young man. Ho, ho!” exclaimed Ookhtishchev,
and in the tone of a teacher began to argue with Foma that it was
essential for him to give his passion an outlet in a good spree, in the
company of women.
“This will be magnificent, and it is indispensable to you. You may
believe me. And as to conscience, you must excuse me. You don’t define
it quite properly. It is not conscience that interferes with you, but
timidity, I believe. You live outside of society. You are bashful,
and awkward. Youare dimly conscious of all this, and it is this
consciousness that you mistake for conscience. In this case there can be
no question about conscience. What has conscience to do here, since it
is natural for man to enjoy himself, since it is his necessity and his
right?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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