Conduct of life -- Fiction; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Physicians -- Fiction
Her knees trembled. She supposed he must be at the theatre this week.
But, when she saw a playbill outside the music-seller's, she was
afraid to examine it lest he might be staring after her. She walked on
excitedly. She was filled with a tremulous elation, which she cared
neither to define nor to acknowledge. She reflected that she had left
the hospital a few minutes earlier than usual, and that otherwise
she might have missed him. "Missed" was the word of her reflection.
She wondered where he was staying--in which streets the professional
lodgings were. She felt suddenly strange in the town not to know. She
had been here three years, and she did not know--how odd! In turning
a corner she saw another advertisement of the theatre, this time on a
hoarding. The day was Monday, and the paper was still shiny with the
bill-sticker's paste. She was screened from observation, and for a
moment she paused, devouring the cast with a rapid glance. His wife's
name didn't appear, so it wasn't their own company. She hurried on
again. The sight of him had acted on her like a strong stimulant.
Without knowing why, she was exhilarated. The air was sweeter, life
was keener; she was athirst to reach the shore and, in her favourite
spot, to yield herself up wholly to sensation.
And how little he had changed! He seemed scarcely to have changed
at all. He looked just as he used to look, though he must have gone
through much since the night they parted. Ah, how could she forget
that parting--how allow the fires of it to wane? It was pitiful that,
feeling things so intensely when they happened, one was unable to keep
the intensity alive. The waste! The puerility of loving or hating, of
mourning or rejoicing so violently in life, when the passage of time,
the interposition of irrelevant incident, would smear the passion that
was all-absorbing into an experience that one called to mind!
She sank on to a bench upon the slope of ragged grass that merged into
the shingles and the sand. The sea, vague and unruffled, lay like a
sheet of oil, veiled in mist except for one bright patch on the horizon
where it quivered luminously. She bent her eyes upon the sea, and saw
the past. His voice struck her soul before she heard his footstep.
"Mary!" he said, and she knew that he had followed her.
She did not speak, she did not move. The blood surged to her temples,
and left her body cold. She struggled for self-command; for the
ability to conceal her agitation; for the power she yearned to gather
of blighting him with the scorn she craved to feel.
"Won't you speak to me?" he said. He came round to her side, and stood
there, looking down at her. "Won't you speak?" he repeated--"a word?"
"I have nothing to say to you," she murmured. "I hoped I should never
see you any more."
He waited awkwardly, kicking the soil with the point of his boot, his
gaze wandering from her over the ocean--from the ocean back to her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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