“This is only a jest, dearest,” she said, “some test of my love,
perhaps. You wished to make sure of me--quite, quite sure--now that Pete
is alive and coming home. But, you see, I want only one to love me,
only one, dear. Come, now, confess. Don't be afraid to say you have been
playing with me. I shan't be angry with you. Come, speak to me.”
He could not utter a word, and she let her arms fall from his neck;
and they walked on side by side, both staring out to sea. The English
mountains were black by this time. A tempest was raging on the other
shore, though the air on this side was as soft as human breath. .
Presently she stopped, her feet scraped the gravel, and she exclaimed
in a husky tone, “I know what it is. It is not Pete. I am in your way.
That's it. You can't get on with me about you. I am not fit for you. The
distance between us is too great.”
He struggled to deny it, but he could not. It was part of the truth. He
knew too well how near to being the whole truth it was. Pete had come
at the last moment to cover up his conscience, but Kate was stripping it
naked and showing him the skeleton.
“It's all very well for you,” she cried, “but where am I? Why didn't
you leave me alone? Why did you encourage me? Yes, indeed, encourage
me! Didn't you say, though a woman couldn't raise herself in life, a man
could lift her up if he only loved her? And didn't you tell me there was
neither below nor above where there was true liking, and that if a woman
belonged to some one, and some one belonged to her, it was God's sign
that they were equal, and everything else was nothing--pride was nothing
and position was nothing and the whole world was nothing? But now I know
different. The world is between us. It always has been between us, and
you can never belong to me. You will go on and rise up, and I will be
left behind.”
Then she broke into frightful laughter. “Oh, I have been a fool! How I
dreamt of being happy! I knew I was only a poor ignorant thing, but I
saw myself lifted up by the one I loved. And now I am to be left alone.
Oh, it is awful! Why did you deceive me? Yes, deceive me! Isn't that
deceiving me? You deceived me when you led me to think that you loved
me more than all the world. You don't I It is the world itself you love,
and Pete is only your excuse.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account