He looked across at Effie’s chair. “My spirit will be always with you,”
she had said; he wondered if it were there now, and tried to see her.
Surely now, if ever, was her time; now when he had so lately left her,
when her scent was in his nostrils and her voice in his ears. Her voice
_was_ in his ears. He heard it clearly. She spoke one word, “Renounce.”
“Yes, but, my dear,” he argued, “I have renounced. I’ve renounced you.
I’ve come back here and I’m going to Ada, to plumb the depths of her,
to find the good in her, and drag it to the top. I’m going to dive for
pearls,” he grew almost picturesque as he cited his intentions towards
Ada in his defence, “and I shall grow short of breath. I’m not doubting
that the pearls are there, because Ada’s a woman, and so are you, but I
know that they lie deep and I want breath for such a dive as that. I’ve
renounced you, and I’m going to make a woman of her; don’t I deserve
some recompense to make amends? It’s here beneath my hand, and I have
only to say ‘Yes.’ Effie,” he pleaded, “if you knew what this meant to
me, you wouldn’t frown. It’s not backsliding.” He denied that it was
backsliding, well knowing that it was. “It’s politics, I know, and you
don’t like politics. You told me women knew about politics now. Oh,
but you don’t know, you don’t. Smile at me, Effie, smile as I have seen
women smile when men talked of golf. I know we men are babies, and so do
you. Give me my game. It’s nothing but a hobby, like golf, but this is
mine, and I want it so much. Ada is my work and this is my play, and
just as necessary. It will not be a hindrance to what I have to do for
Ada, it will be a help. Effie, tell me that I may have my help.”
He tried to blarney a consenting smile out of the figure of Eflie he
imagined sitting in her chair. He had no difficulty in imagining her
there; he saw her, too easily, too really to imagine a false Effie. He
could not imagine, try as he would, that he had won consent from her. He
was too near the real Effie for that. And Effie said “Renounce.”
Then his cashier came into the office and routine swallowed him for
the day. A score of little points had arisen in his absence and must
be discussed and settled. The thought occurred to him that if he
telegraphed to London in the morning, Headquarters would hear from him
as soon as if he wrote to-day. They might expect a wire to-day; well,
they would not get it. He crammed the letter into his pocket and decided
that he would sleep upon it before he sent them his reply.
And if Satan still smiled it was wistfully, as if he regretted his lost
subtlety; but there was still Ada, the married woman.
If Ada was nothing else, she was a married woman; in a world where many
fail, she had succeeded; she had got married, and, like other people who
have reached their earthly paradise, she did not know what to do when
she got there, and did nothing. She stopped growing when she married.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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