Well, then, you must know I worship this child, and I see, that sooner
or later, he will be my whole life and my whole aim. It is not duty
alone that brings me to him, it is my own heart that cries out for him,
when I have gone without seeing him for a certain length of time. He is
comfortable here, he wants for nothing, he is growing strong, he is
beloved. His adopted parents are excellent souls, and, as to caring for
him properly, I can see that their hearts are in the matter as well as
their interests. They live in a part of the manor-house which yet
remains standing and which has been suitably restored. They are neat and
painstaking people, and they are bringing up the child within these
ruins, on the summit of the large rock, under a bright sky, and in a
pure and bracing atmosphere. The woman has lived in Paris; she has
correct ideas as to the amount of energy and also of humoring that it
takes to manage a child more delicate, indeed, than her own children,
but with as good a constitution; so I need not feel anxious about
anything, but can await the age when it will become necessary to care
for and form other material than the body. Well! I am ill at ease about
him just as soon as I am away from him. His existence then often seems
like an anxiety and a deep trouble in my life; but, when I see him
again, all fears vanish and all bitterness is allayed. What shall I say
then? I love him! I feel that he belongs to me and that I belong equally
to him. I feel that he is mine, yes, mine, far more than his poor mother
ever was; as his features and disposition become more marked, I seek
vainly in him for something which may recall her to me, and this
something does not seem to unfold. Contrary to the usual law which makes
boys rather than girls inherit the traits of the mother, it is his
father that this child will resemble, if he continues, henceforth, to
develop in the way he seems to be doing now. He has already my indolence
and the unconquerable timidity of my earliest years, which my mother so
often tells me about, and my quick, impulsive moments of unreserved
confidence, which made her, she says, forgive me and love me in spite of
all. This year he has taken notice of my presence near him. He was
afraid at first, but now he smiles and tries to talk. His smile and
broken words make me tremble; and when he takes my hand to walk, a
certain grateful feeling toward him, I cannot tell what, brings to my
eyes tears which I conceal with difficulty.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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