She did not come in to dinner, which Mrs. Dennistoun and John Tatham ate
solemnly alone, saying but little, trying to talk upon indifferent
topics, with that very wretched result which is usual when people at
one of the great crises of life have to make conversation for each
other while servants are about and the restraints of common life are
around them. Whether it is the terrible flood of grief which has to be
barred and kept within bounds so that the functions of life may not
altogether be swept away, or the sharper but warmer pang of anxiety,
that which cuts like a serpent’s tooth, yet is not altogether beyond the
reach of hope, what poor pretences these are at interest in ordinary
subjects; what miserable gropings after something that can furnish a
thread of conversation just enough to keep the intercourse of life
going! These two were not more successful than others in this dismal
pursuit. Mrs. Dennistoun found a moment when the meal was over before
she left John, poor pretence! to his wine. “Remember that she will not
mention his name; nothing must be said about him,” she said. “How can we
discuss him and what he is likely to do without speaking of him?” said
John, with a little scorn. “I don’t know,” replied the poor lady. “But
you will find that she will not have his name mentioned. You must try
and humour her. Poor Elinor! For I know that you are sorry for her,
John.”
Sorry for her! He sat over his glass of mild claret in the little
dining-room that had once been so bright: even now it was the cosiest
little room, the curtains all drawn, shutting out the cold wind, which
in January searches out every crevice, the firelight blazing fitfully,
bringing out all the pretty warm decorations, the gleam of silver on
the side-board, the pictures on the wall, the mirror over the
mantelpiece. There was nothing wanted under that roof to make it the
very home of domestic warmth and comfort. And yet--sorry for Elinor!
That was not the word. His heart was sore for her, torn away from all
her moorings, drifting back a wreck to the little youthful home, where
all had been so tranquil and so sweet. John had nothing in him of that
petty sentiment which derives satisfaction from a calamity it has
foreseen, nor had he even an old lover’s thrill of almost pleasure in
the downfall of the clay idol that has been preferred to his gold. His
pain for Elinor, the constriction in his heart at thought of her
position, were unmixed with any baser feeling. Sorry for her! He would
have given all he possessed to restore her happiness--not in his way,
but in the way she had chosen, even, last abnegation of all, to make the
man worthy of her who had never been worthy. Even his own indignation
and wrath against that man were subservient in John’s honest breast to
the desire of somehow finding that it might be possible to whitewash
him, nay to reform him, to make him as near as possible something which
she could tolerate for life. I doubt if a woman, notwithstanding the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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