The Martial Adventures of Henry and MeWhite, William Allen
History
The Martial Adventures of Henry and Me
White, William Allen
World War, 1914-1918 -- Fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- Personal narratives
He noticed a cube of sugar by his coffee cup; that was his allowance
of sugar. We went out to lunch. Henry ordered the roast beef of old
England at the best club in London and got a pink shaving, escorted
in by two boiled potatoes and a hunk of green cabbage, boiled
without salt or pork. And for dessert we had a sugarless, lardless
whole-wheat-flour tart! It puckered his mouth like a persimmon. It
fell to me to explain to Mr. H. G. Wells, who gave the luncheon,
that Henry had just come from the continent, where he had scorned
the food, and one could see from the twinkle in Mr. Wells's eyes
that he was going to put Henry in a book. And he certainly was
a hero during those London days--the hero of a great disillusion.
Of course the British cooking was good. The English are splendid
cooks, and they were doing their best; but Henry's picture of the
great boar's head triumphantly borne into the hall on the shoulders
of four stout butlers, and his notion of the blazing plum pudding
as large as a hassock, and his preconceived idea of England as
Dickens's fat boy forever stuffing and going to sleep again, had to
be entirely revised. For if the English are proud of the way they
conceal the bitterness of their sorrow in this war, also they have
a vast pride in the way they are sacrificing their creature comforts
for it. In Latin countries there is more or less special privilege.
But in England, the law is the law and men glory in its rigours
by obeying it in proud self-sacrifice. If our dinners sometimes
were Spartan in simplicity we found the talk ample, refreshing and
filling. We, however, had some trouble with our "Who's Who." One
evening they sat me opposite a handsome military man who talked of
airships and things most wonderfully and it took me three days to
learn that he was the authority on air fighting in Europe! He was
a Lord of somewhere, and Earl of something and a Duke of somewhat--all
rolled into one. Henry hooted at me for two days. But finally he
gave me some comfort. "At least," he said, "you are as well-known
in London as your Duke's mixture is in Emporia, and London is a
bigger town!" Then it came Henry's turn. At our very grandest dinner
they sat Henry between Lord Bryce and one of the most distinguished
men of contemporary English letters. Henry shone that night as he
never shone before and when Henry turns on his talk he is a wizard.
Meredith Nicholson, who has heard Henry talk at a dinner, in a
recent number of Scribner's magazine, said of him: "He's the best
talker I've ever heard. It was delightful to listen to discourse so
free, so graphic in its characterization, so coloured and flavoured
with the very soil," and that night at the English dinner, all
of Henry's cylinders were hitting and he took every grade without
changing gears. But my ears were eager for the man on Henry's right.
He told some stories; my neck craned toward them. Henry returned
the Scotch stories with Kansas stories and held the table.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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