“Not stupid, my dear, but depressed,--out of spirits in society; so that my advice to you is, now, dress yourself in good time, take a small glass of ginger-cordial, and throw your eye over the second chapter of 'Social Hints,' with an account of conversation before and at dinner, and some excellent advice about'compliments, meet for every season of the year.'” “Do you think such preparations quite necessary, mother?” asked Joe, slyly; for he rather relished the simplicity of her counsels. “To be sure, I do; for yours is no common difficulty, Joe. If you talk of country matters, you 'll get into Kyle's Wood and the Chancery suit; if you touch politics or religion, it will be worse again. The Martins, I hear, never play cards, so you can't allude to them; and they 'll be too grand to know anything about poor Miss Cuddy going off with the sergeant of police, or what Con Kelly did with his aunt's furniture.” “So that really the topics open to me are marvellously few.” “Well, there's shooting; but to be sure you know nothing about that, nor fishing, either; and I suppose farming, if you did understand it, would n't be genteel. Indeed, I see little that is n't dangerous, except the dearness of everything. I remark that's a subject nobody ever tires of, and all can take their share in.” “And I conclude it to be fact, mother?” “A very melancholy fact, my dear; and so I said to Betty Gargan, yesterday. 'It's well for _you_,' said I, 'and the likes of you, that use nothing but potatoes; but think of us, that have to pay sixpence a pound for mutton, six-and-a-half for the prime pieces, and veal not to be had under eightpence.' They talk of the poor, indeed! but sure they never suffer from a rise in butcher's meat, and care nothing at all what tea costs. I assure you I made the tears come into her eyes, with the way I described our hardships.” “So that this will be a safe subject for me, mother?” “Perfectly safe, my dear, and no ways mean, either; for I always remarked that the higher people are, the stingier they are, and the more pleasure they take in any little sharp trick that saves them sixpence. And when that 's exhausted, just bring in the Rams.” “The Rams?” “I mean my aunt Ram, and my relations in Wexford. I 'm sure, with a little address, you 'll be able to show how I came to be married beneath me, and all the misery it cost me.” “Well, mother, I believe I have now ample material,” said Joe, rising, with a lively dread of an opening which he knew well boded a lengthy exposition; “and to my own want of skill must it be ascribed if I do not employ it profitably.” And with this he hurried to his room to prepare for the great event.