“My first thought was a great thankfulness,” she said, simply. “A
thankfulness that you--that no man--could ever understand.”
XXXII
As she finished speaking Eve did not lower her eyes. To her there was no
suggestion of shame in her thoughts or her words; but to Loder, watching
and listening, there was a perilous meaning contained in both.
“Thankfulness?” he repeated, slowly. From his newly stirred sense of
responsibility pity and sympathy were gradually rising. He had never
seen Eve as he saw her now, and his vision was all the clearer for the
long oblivion. With a poignant sense of compassion and remorse, the
knowledge of her youth came to him--the youth that some women preserve
in the midst of the world, when circumstances have permitted them to see
much but to experience little.
“Thankfulness?” he said again, incredulously.
A slight smile touched her lips. “Yes,” she answered, softly.
“Thankfulness that my trust had been rightly placed.”
She spoke simply and confidently, but the words struck Loder more
sharply than any accusation. With a heavy sense of bitterness and
renunciation he moved slowly forward.
“Eve,” he said, very gently, “you don't know what you say.”
She had lowered her eyes as he came towards her; now again she lifted
them in a swift, upward glance. For the first time since he had entered
the room a slight look of personal doubt and uneasiness showed in her
face. “Why?” she said. “I--I don't understand.”
For a moment he answered nothing. He had found his first explanation
overwhelming; now suddenly it seemed to him that his present difficulty
was more impossible to surmount. “I came here to-night to tell you
something,” he began, at last, “but so far I have only said half--”
“Half?”
“Yes, half.” He repeated the word quickly, avoiding the question in her
eyes. Then, conscious of the need for explanation, he plunged into rapid
speech.
“A fraud like mine,” he said, “has only one safeguard, one
justification--a boundless audacity. Once shake that audacity and the
whole motive power crumbles. It was to make the audacity impossible--to
tell you the truth and make it impossible--that I came to-night. The
fact that you already knew made the telling easier--but it altered
nothing.”
Eve raised her head, but he went resolutely on.
“To-night,” he said, “I have seen into my own life, into my own mind,
and my ideas have been very roughly shaken into new places.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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