The master of St. Benedict's, Vol. 1 (of 2)St. Aubyn, Alan
General
The master of St. Benedict's, Vol. 1 (of 2)
St. Aubyn, Alan
Cambridge (England) -- Fiction; School principals -- Fiction; Students -- Fiction
'Gone? Where is he gone? He was here just now. Is he in the field or in
the barn? Send him to me when he comes in, my dear.'
Lucy turned away pale and trembling. She could not bear it; he did not
recognise her in the least.
The Tutor came in while she was there, and went over to the bed; but
the Master took him for Dick--the brother who had died fifty years ago.
His eyes lighted up when the Tutor came in, and with a strange, eager
interest he asked him questions about the crops and the farm. All the
later associations of his life had quite faded from his memory, and he
had gone back to the scenes and faces of his youth.
The Tutor turned away from the bed with a sigh. He had waited for this
half his life. He had looked forward so long as he could remember to
being Master of St. Benedict's, and now, when it seemed within his
grasp, he turned from it with a sigh. What was it, after all, this
shadow he was grasping? Wealth, honour, position, it would all slip
through his hands by-and-by, as it had slipped through the hands of the
old scholar on the bed: all, everything, that had taken a lifetime--a
long lifetime--to gain, would slip away, and there would be nothing
left but old memories. Everything would fail; and he would go back to
the old humble time, and the dear faces--if happily he had dear faces
to go back to. There would be nothing left--nothing that he could carry
away with him--but those old tender memories.
The Tutor turned away from the bed and went out of the room. On the
landing outside he saw Lucy sitting in the window-seat weeping. The
tears were in his own eyes, and he could not trust himself to speak. He
went over, and took Lucy's hand, and drew her towards him.
'Oh,' she murmured through her tears, 'he does not know me the least
bit. He thinks I am his brother Dick's wife.'
'And he takes me for Dick,' said the Tutor, with an involuntary smile,
pressing the little warm hand he held. 'We shall all come to it, my
dear, some day--to the vanishing-point, where everything slips away
from us but the memories of our youth. Well for us at that time if we
have nothing but innocent memories of kindly deeds and loving faces--if
we have no regrets, no sorrow, no remorse! Perhaps it is the happiest
lot to have the slate wiped clean of all the storms and passions of
later years, and to go back at the last, and to take away with us only
the memory of the old innocent early days.'
He was a good deal moved. He might have committed dreadful crimes
since the days of his innocent youth, instead of being a grave, sober,
reverend Tutor of a college.
'You don't think he will ever be better?' Lucy sobbed.
'I don't think, even if his life is prolonged, that his mind will ever
be clear again. I fear it has gone, quite gone. Perhaps it is better
so: he will pass away happier; he will have no regrets; he will leave
nothing behind.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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