Great Britain -- History -- George III, 1760-1820 -- Fiction; Mystery fiction
It seemed as if he saw in those tiny motes that danced and rose and
fell, the fashionable people who had so influenced his career; but hour
after hour, as he sat there motionless, thinking of his arrest, his
examination, the fashionable world was to him something that had never
existed: he could see only the terminative.
On first picturing that terrible end, when, with hideous exactness, the
scaffold, the hangman, and the chaplain whispering words of hope and
comfort to the thin, grey-haired, pinioned figure moving on in the slow
procession had loomed up before him in all their terrible minutiae, he
had shivered and shrunk away; but, after a few repetitions of this
horrible waking dream, he had grown so accustomed to it that he found
himself conjuring up the scene, and gazing at it mentally with a curious
kind of interest that gradually became fascination.
As to the final stage, it would not be so painful as many pangs, mental
and bodily, which he had suffered; and, as to the future, that troubled
him but little. He saw no terrors there, only a long restful sleep,
freed from the cares and sufferings that had for long past fallen to his
lot.
There were no shudders now, but only a sad wistful smile and a sigh
almost of content, the rest of the future seemed so welcome.
"Yes," he said at last, as he pressed his trembling white hands to his
lips, and left his seat to pace the cell, falling for the moment
involuntarily into his old mincing pace, but stopping short and gazing
up at the little patch of blue sky he could see; "yes--rest--sleep--Oh,
God, I am so weary. Let it end!"
He stood with his hands clasped before him, and now a cloud came over
his countenance, almost the only cloud that troubled him now. Claire;
if she only could know--if he could tell her all--his temptations--his
struggles--the long fight he had passed through.
Then he thought over his past--the mistakes of his life. How much
happier he might have been if he had chosen differently. How piteous
had been all this sham and pretence, what a weary existence it had
been--what insults he had suffered for the sake of keeping up his
miserable position, and obtaining a few guineas.
May!
The thought of his child--his favoured one, with her pretty innocent
rosebud of a face and its appealing, trusting eyes. How he had
worshipped that girl! How she had been his idol. How he had believed
in her and sacrificed everything for her sake; and now--he lay in
prison, one whom the world called murderer; and she, his idol, to whom
he had sacrificed so long, for aught he knew, passing away, and everyone
turned from him and his family as if they were lepers.
Well, he was a social leper. He had made no defence. This man had
charged him with the crime, and he had not denied it. What wonder that
people shrank from him as if he were unclean, and kept away. It was his
fate. The world turned from him--son--daughter. They feared the
contamination of the gaol.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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